Standing Up to Religious Zealots

So the other day at the library we had the Spring religious zealots telling ever college student they are going to hell because they drink, have premarital sex, have homosexual feelings and abort babies and what not. Basically it is a shit show of screaming and the winner is the one who can talk the loudest. It pretty much is just a bunch of loud noises. No one has a calm conversation because everyone is wrong.

I want to do this. However I do not have the cojones to do it. I would need to practice a speech. I'm sorry if you don't find this funny. I was laughing my ass off when I thought of it. So if you think it's stupid, why are you reading what I have to say. If you think this is stupid the obviously you are in the wrong place brah!

As this dude is spewing religious shit from his mouth I want to stand up and say-

There was another born to a virgin mother. This child was destined for greatness, he showed great promise with his abilities. However, unlike Jesus, sacrificed others for his power. He slaughtered innocent men, women and children out of hatred. He ruthlessly hunted down and murdered his friends as per request of his 'father' the devil. Blinded by the devils deceitful words he fell deeper into the darkness until he was unrecognizable by the few who evaded his wrath. Who could have known that a child with an abnormally high midi-chloiran count could have fallen down the path of evil. My friends, this is the story of Anakin Skywalker. (I had lots of other awesome things to say but I forgot by the time I wrote this. Made me super frustrated!)

Then of course if I'd make it this far I'd probably be belittled by the devout Christians as they would say that my story is a work of fiction. My response would be-Well I prefer movies to books, but either way they are both works of fiction. Fellow sinners please follow me to the bars where we can all go to hell in a handbasket. We can all toast that hell will be fantastic since these wacko religious bastards won't be there!

I can see how this could be offensive. So if you are offended take this little chill pill and relax!

Doing Smart People Things

Happy Saturday my friends. This has been one long ass week. I have to start being responsible. I started off my week clearly avoiding them by laying on the floor. I did not get much done. Ah, and It will be a long ass day. It is the first weekend of the term and I am already in the library doing smart things that smart people do. I am currently facing my arch enemy- READING. It gets worse. Not only is it reading, it is my least favorite kind of reading- SCIENTIFIC PAPERS.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am so bored here!

And I would rather be finishing up my Star Wars marathon with my personal favorite flick 

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI

It is just so cool. I mean you start of at Tatooine and ends up in three fucking awesome battles. First of all you've got Leia's smoking hot bikini. I would totally get one because I'm a nerd but, approximately 90% of sluts wear it on Halloween. Plus it looks like cheap material. The Rancor was pretty scary to me as a kid, how could it not be with all of those teeth and slobber and what not. I still cannot understand what Yoda says in his last words. Do I just get bored or does my hearing a twisted way of speaking suck when gargles increase.

 Endor is a pretty freaking sweet planet. I personally LOVE the Ewoks! Wicket is fucking adorable. Did you ever see an Ewok adventure starring lil' Wicket? Don't... I just like the Ewok ass kicking! Who knew bad ass could be so adorable. 

IT'S A TRAP!

The end fight scene is al ot like when Anakin faced off Count Dooku. Except Luke made the Jedi decision and spared Vader's life. Emperor Palpatine is just an Evil Pikachu. Was that a weird thought? Also the Emperpor was suprisingly easy to terminate, lets just throw him of this ledge. Mace Windu should have done that when he had the chance. But no he had to try and strike him down with a light saber. 

THE GALACTIC EMPIRE HAS BEEN DESTROYED!

Lets have an Ewok celebration party. 

AND I HAVE THE HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN GHOST VERSION! Plus the ending yub yub song changed. FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS. I LOVED THAT SONG.

Well that concludes the Star Wars series. I guess I should make dinner now... My life has less meaning now.

I have a what I believe to be hilarious but potentially offensive (to some) thought that I will share with you guys about Star Wars tomorrow. I giggled when I thought of it. 

The Original Series

My hair looks fantastic today. I actually took a brush and brushed that shit and I never brush my hair. It is soft, shiny and fucking beautiful. Thank you hair for being awesome. I should be in one of those hair commercials.  LIKE A BOSS. Except it is raining. RUINED MY DAY! And it wasn't just rain it was horizontal rain. Not even a hood could protect your face.

Anyways I forgot how completely sweet Star Wars is. Obviously it has been too long since I've watched them. The old ones are next up and I'm super stoked! LETS DO IT!

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy-Best Line Ever.
I try to use it to describe people or scary places.

Well, they certainly tied the movies together well. Or at least I think they did. I feel like the character of Anakin really didn't fit into the feel of Darth Vader. However, it is possible that after (I'm assuming twenty some years) he has lost any love for anything and is just consumed with darkness. Knowing the whole back story of Vader kind of makes the originals different. I don't really know how to explain it. 

I was Princess Leia for Halloween in 1st or 2nd grade, White dress, cinnamon buns and everything. I'd show you an adorable picture but alas, I do not have it on me. Now this is the special edition version so they added a bunch of Dewbacks to Tatooine. I did not look up the term Dewback...I just knew that. 

AWWWW YEAH, Han Solo. What a sexy mother fucker. All he needs is a teeny bit of stubble.

 Shit that would just change his character to Indiana Jones! Either way works for me!
Calista Flockhart is a lucky woman.

Why didn't Chewie get a fucking medal at the end?!

So I don't really have anything to do yet in school. I literally sit at my apartment by myself.
So I already popped in...

STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

This was another movie that scared me! The Wampa,  the Dagoba System, the Cloud City take over, Luke getting his hand removed and whatnot. Yes, I know the world of Star Wars. My brother says it is a good thing. So far it has not gotten me any free things. Maybe I don't show it enough.

I did want a Tauntaun as a kid. How could you not want a Winter Ram/Kangaroo thing. Hoth still is one of my least favorite planets, I mean come on it looks so cold! Ew... brother and sister making out. That is not a way to make the handsome Han jealous Leia. Someone tell me that they love me so I can look back and say 'I Know'. Would that be considered mean? Probably. Watch out boys, I may Han Solo your ass. Why did Yoda become a spunky old green dude? All of his friends were brutally murdered and he is just the crazy old    thing (whatever he is) causing trouble all over Dagoba. I hate how this one ended with a cliff hanger.

These blogs are just so long. I hope I don't bore you with my thoughts. Hopefully you like Star Wars. I asked my brother millions of questions last night about random things.

• How old is Yoda?
• Why is Princess Leia still a princess even though Alderan was destroyed?
• Why did Grand Moff Tarkin have such control over Darth Vader?
• How long did Luke spend training in Dagobah?
• Why doesn't Obi-Wan recognize R2D2?

I may be seriously over thinking the series...

Tequila is a Girls Name

So I am watching this show and this gals name is Tequila. Was this some sort of conception joke? Or did they think it was just a beautiful name? I feel like if you name a child Tequila there has to be some sort of liquid influence. Here is the kicker, this girl and her family are devout Christians  so I'm thinking Tequila never touched her families lips. I bet they heard the song Tequila and were like that is a fantastic name.

Would you name your kid Whiskey? Vodka? Rum?

STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Still on a VHS tape I'm such a bad ass. Well the technology seemed to of improved. 2002! The think I loathe about this movie is the horrendous dialog between Anakin and Padme! It makes me cringe so awkward! Ewan McGregor still is a hottie with a beard, any bushier and it would be too lumberjack-ish. I also use to have a crush on Hayden Christensen...however he looks much better in the 3rd film. I don't remember being this boy crazy as a youngin. I suppose Ewan McGregor is more of a now crush than 11 years ago.

Anakin really is just a time bomb, snobby kid needs to get his ass beat. He's just the rich horny kid that gets what he wants and if not he stomps around and makes a fuss. He also reminds me of that kids book 'Are You My Mother?' because he is just always looking for her. Where is my mother?!

In that instant where his mother dies *SPOILER* Darth Vader is truly born *ANOTHER SPOILER*

I wanted to have an outfit like Padme, you know the white one. Well they have a Halloween costume for that but the thing that really bugs me is that the sexy version is all nice a pretty when in reality she was clawed down by a fucking arena beast! Now I'm not this nerdy, I had to look it up but the one I am referring to is the Nexu. Now that I watched that scene, when the fuck did she lose her sleeve and stomach region of her shirt. Literally got scratched once and half her shirt went missing. 

Wouldn't it be kinda cool if like dyslexia there would be something called Yoda. Where you talked and wrote with your sentences backwards. And I forget how FUCKING AWESOME YODA IS. All bad ass, green and what not. I remember giggling in the theaters because damn he could move! The good think about a light saber injury is that is would just cauterize the veins so that no blood spillage occurs! Gosh I'm super random today. MILLIONS OF THOUGHTS!

I also would like to point out that I really don't have a life. 

STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Oh hey, We are on DVD people!

I really don't remember this movie or at least so far I don't. I've probably seen this one the least out of all of them. Oh and Anakin SUPER SEXY, Obi-wan lost his sex appeal too much beard. I think General Grievous is cool. Why I don't know. But he seems to have a cold...even though he is a cyborg. Can someone please explain that to me. Ah, well I just kept watching and it turns out he has these itty bitty lungs. Still- Awesome

OH MY GOSH I haven't seen this movie in ages it was so sad! I cried like a little girl. But that means nothing I am totally a movie crier. I cry so easily! It is just kind of a tragic story. I also decided if someone had never seen star wars before I would start with episode 4-6. I can watch it 1-6 because I've seen all of them but I think that it would make more sense to watch them out of order for a newbie. 

This is getting ridiculously long. 

STAR WARS MARATHON!

I made myself a TERRIBLE dinner. The chicken sucked, the vegetables sucked and even the milk sucked.

OPTIMISM DOES NOT EXIST HERE!

 I was sitting eating my crappy dinner all alone when I got this feeling. Of something that needed to be completed. I knew the moment I felt it that this would be a very important part of my life. I sensed something. A presence I have not felt since before college...

If you haven't guessed what I'm talking about now then you are not nerdy enough

 and you should follow my lead. Or if you are too stupid to read the title.

STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE

I wasn't really sure if I should start at 1 or 4 but I decided if you take longer than 5 minutes to decide then you are too nerdy and need a life. Now this is where it gets old school. The only copy I have of Episode I is on VHS. And when I stuck it in the player I had to REWIND?! WHAT?! I've also noticed the animation is not quite what it used to be. It could also be the fact that VHS tapes are grainy! (Or it could be the movie came out in 1999)

Can anyone else tell the difference between Keira Knightly and Natalie Portman as Queen Amidala. I mean it is pretty obvious. But it makes me smile because I always thought they looked alike and BLAMMO same movie. Ewan McGregor is so Dreamy! Or at least I used to think Young Anakin was quite the hottie back in 1999! I used to not be able to watch the part when Qui-Gon Jinn got stabbed or when Darth Maul fell into two pieces. Oops *SPOILER* Sorry if you have never seen this movie. Where have you been for the last 14 years, under a rock?! 

...14 years, I saw this movie in theaters! 

Jar Jar looks part amphibian. How does he survive on tatooine? Science. I'm going to get some sick facial tats like Darth Maul. Sexy right! My least favorite line "IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING" This might have to do with Star Wars Racer N64...stupid Skywalker. However the sounds of the pod racer really makes me want to race! Sadly my N64 is at home and not here. 

You probably don't realize this but I am a day ahead in my blogs. Sometimes I just have things to say and I end up writing it the day before. Leaving me with this odd past present tense issue hence the dinner issue. So technically this happened yesterday. What am I going to do waste these stupid thoughts?! Most likely Star Wars Episode II will be watched tonight, because that is how sane marathons work. 

That's What Friends Are For?

It is a Debbie Downer kind of day. Grab your tissues bitches. 

First of all I am really nervous because I have to meet up again with the same group from last term and I really don't want to. Being forced to be around people you don't like sucks. 

You ever feel like things just aren't right in your life and things just aren't working out the way you feel they should? Right now I guess you could say there is this void inside me. Now of course I am speaking of this void figuratively, because literally would probably mean I'd be dead in like 10 seconds.

...

...

...

...

PHEW still alive.

Anyways things haven't gone the way I've wanted them to the last three months. College usually is a stressing enough but then when your personal life kinda falls apart it just feels like life as you know it is just in the crapper. I'm sorry to be all vague and mysterious, the best way I can describe it is how utterly alone I feel. Maybe I should be a little more social and try and make some friends. 

My mom has always told my brother and I when shit hits the fan that things will always work out. And she's right, things will most likely be fine in the end. Just as of right now, it doesn't feel too great.

I just need someone to sing the Jungle Book song to me. 

We're your friends

We're your friends

We're your friends to the bitter end!

When you're alone

Who comes around

To pluck you up

When you are down.

And when you're outside looking in who's there to open the door?

That's what friends are for!

Besides the downer blog I saw the coolest thing ever yesterday. A young boy 5 or 6 was walking with his mom. He was the normal boy style except for his one piece of fashion choice. A t-shirt, jeans and a big pink tutu. I love the fact that this boys parents let him wear what he wants. It makes me smile.

 He fucking worked that pink tutu.

Facing Responsibilities

Spring Term starts today. One big ass term is in my way.

Well I think that is great advice...

It didn't seem to solve any of my problems. 

WHERE ARE YOU INSTANT GRATIFICATION?!

*Note this is not planking!*

Anyways since I'm trying to complete my college degree I've got a full term of 16 credits. I've never been able to do it but if I want to graduate in the Summer it is a must. So unfortunately I can't ignore my responsibilities. I'm just going to have to work my hardest ever! I should probably start now by putting my clothes away. I got here yesterday, my clothes are still right by the door. And there is no food in my fridge, I should probably go shopping... I really shouldn't be an adult. Who put me in charge of my life?! I obviously am not ready to even put my pants on in the morning. I'll just walk around in my thankfully adorable underwear. Lets face it, since I'm not an adult I wouldn't have any clean so I'd walk around in my still thankfully adorable Wonder Woman Bikini. Hmmmm, I wonder...

Nope didn't help. I'm just cold and more naked. 

I'm feeling a little quirky if you couldn't tell. Ignoring responsibility has never been so fun!

I should probably stop now.

Oh P.S. April Fools Sucks Monkey Butt