Super Exciting Tuesday!

Tuesday is here! Well, nothing is actually happening today so we will have to make this seem like an interesting day. The tattoo is healing! Woo Permanence! I hope you readers feel special. I have no intention of sharing this with my Facebook friends. At least not for a while. I took off the protective covering layer they artist stuck on it because ink was coming out the side. Now that it isn't all splotchy it looks pretty nice. 

Here is something that will make my brother squeal like a little girl. 

And I mean squeaking and squealing.

I watched the pilot to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

I would say the reason I decided to watch it was because of the Big Bang Theory when Leonard tried to get Penny to love this show. It's a really cheesy show.  But for some silly reason I keep watching.  Maybe it is because I have nothing else to do with my life. I'm trying  to make today interesting but I am drawling a blank. Tomorrow is the first of May. I'm excited! 

Photographic Evidence

In case you didn't believe yesterdays blog I'm hoping these pictures will make you realize I'm not bluffing.

It doesn't hurt anymore. I'm sure if someone hit it, I'd probably scream. I did jack shit yesterday. I ended up watching season 7 and half way through season 8 of Scrubs. And damn, season 7 has some sad episodes! I was in tears on like three separate occasions. I'm just such a crier in the tv and movies. Big ole crocodile tears. 

Sorry Mom, didn't make it to the library and did my homework at 10:30 at night. I literally slept all day, you exhausted me mom! I didn't even eat a solid meal all yesterday. I had two donuts, a smoothie, ice cream bars, popcorn and some chili. for breakfast thins morning I had ice cream bars. I'm super healthy

Saturday with my Mommy!

Oh, sorry guys, this was supposed to go up yesterday. I failed you! Eh, its going up today!

Spending my Saturday with my MOMMY!

We spend the day shopping and I got some fantastic items. My main goal for the day was to find a dress to wear to a wedding. CHECK! I also got a pair of 5 inch heels to go with it!  I was very happy with my find. The dress was on the sale rack of Old Navy and fit me like a glove! So excited! I also got another belly bearing top because I have the body and two other dresses that I can wear in life. Oh and a pair of wedges... I guess the girly me went out shopping!

Well I'm really nervous, my heart is beating and time is going by way to fast. What have I gotten myself into? I'm not sure if this is a good idea or if my anxiety is just taking over my life. At least my mommy is going to be there for me!

Yeah, well if you didn't know yet. My mom and I got matching tattoos...

She told way more people than I did. Like the entire staff at her work.
The way she told me gave me the mental image of girls screaming up and down.

I think I told three people. Maybe four.

Anyways it hurt. It hurt bad. Maybe I am just a wimp but, I do not forsee me getting another. I was wincing, trying to breathe through it and sweating like crazy. I wanted to go first because I was afraid if I saw Mom go I'd bail. If the water is cold you don't wait to get used to it, you jump in! So my potty mouth was all over the place then Mom went. Mom was a FUCKING BOSS. Poker face. She winced once. It took her maybe half the time to complete the piece that we got. I was very impressed, because I had just done it and it did not feel great. After we were done I was shaky and it was stinging. I got home and popped in a handful of painkillers.

It is now morning and I don't feel it. I am laying down so maybe once I move a bit it will feel sore. 

I can't believe I got a tattoo...

Not a regretful statement, just not sure if it has really set in yet. Kind of more shocking, I hate the idea of permanence so this was a huge deal for me to get semi spur of the moment. So we didn't get exactly what we planned on. The tattoo artist didn't like the idea of a boring ole heart so she convinced me to get color and be larger than a dime! I like the way it turned out. And I will share this with mom FOREVER! Well until I die and my skin decays. Here is a picture of it, you can't really see the colors well or the size, but my phone camera is a piece of shit. More photos later as it heals!

EAGLE!

Yay Friday

Nay Homework

Yay Mom Arriving

Nay...Messy room! 

It is actually midnight thirty and I cannot sleep. I just laid there my body aching from working out and wearing some beautiful shoes. I seriously have tried everything. So instead of trying to sleep, I turned on Scrubs to watch Dr. Dorian and his crazy antics. EAGLE!

One of my favorite things about Scrubs is that Zach Braff and Donald Fasion are best friends in real life. 

It's nice to see that they still have the gayest-straight relationship off camera.

Does that make sense? The gayest-straight relationship or should it be the straighest-gay relationship?

It doesn't really matter, as long as you know what I am saying.

Whatever, still a better love story than Twilight! 

I'm kind of freaking out over this homework assignment. Lots of time in college I over think things and feel like I'm doing things wrong and its just ends up being this stand still of me doing nothing and writing a blog. I'm waiting for a friend to arrive to help me think about it. So I will try and write a fascinating blog for you guys.

I noticed I've been using the words 'Yeah Buddy' and 'Fantastic' a lot lately (These words have been used prior to my decreasing the usage of the word fuck). Everything has been fantastic, which is definitely not a bad thing, but how boring that nothing is superb, epic, stellar, righteous, fucking awesome. And as for yeah buddy, where the hell did that come from?

Walking in Heels!

It is Thursday and I get to wear a dress! YAY to being girly! I think I look great. Unfortunately looking great can take a toll on your body. I've been rocking heels all day. Note, my feet don't hurt from wearing heels. However this blister I've developed on my little toe is making me sad! Damn me for forgetting to using blister  protection! I google mapped it and it turns out that I walked about 3 miles in my heels today. LIKE A BOSS! Only my newly formed blisters were slowing me down! My feet are tired. And they are a bit swollen and warm. Whatever!

I have this big assignment I'm trying to complete by tomorrow... So frustrating. Hopefully I'll have more for you tomorrow!

For Fucks Sake! Stop saying Fuck!

It is sunny and beautiful and I feel fantastic! Tomorrow is Dress Day! SO EXCITED! 

Maybe I'll show you how cute I will look tomorrow.

I've got shorts on, my legs shaved, flippy floppies and SUN GLASSES! BAM! I'm prepared for a great day! I also got up early and worked out! Ran a mile and did abs. And I'm not going to lie, my body looks sick! Well, it will if I keep up this work out that make my muscles cry. Crying muscles is natural, do your muscles secrete tears? Not sweat TEARS actual tears! Maybe I should see a doctor.

I'm going to try and have less vulgar language. I say fuck way to often and in way to many forms: fuck, fucked, fucker, fucks, fucking, fucky, fuckity fuck fuck... You get the idea. I've got a sailor mouth and I need to start acting like a lady! Or at least attempt to act like a lady. I also use shit way too often. So here is my attempt to have less of a potty mouth! No more cursing! Or at least less cursing! I will not stop using damn and hell because they aren't really curse words. I'm going to try and be more descriptive! I with replace fuck with an awesome word and  be more creative! Becoming a better me GO!

Oh mom I'm fucking genuinely serious about getting matching tattoos. And I have a super cute idea that I think you should consider! I might have to tell you a super serious story for you to consider it. Is it too private for this blog? Probably but here we go. Better break out the tissues mom.

I want to get matching tattoos. And I saw a sign that really made me decide to say yes this is going to happen. I've been thinking it for about a week now and I came across a coupon (yes I know, a coupon for tattoos fucking pretty sketchy!) at a reliable, trustworthy business that offers buy one tattoo and get the other 50% off if it's completely matching. I want to get matching tattoos with you because you mean the world to me. I love spending time with you and some days I'd like to see a reminder that my mom is always there for me. I know we fight and disagree sometimes, but we are family, only a  fucked dysfunctional family wouldn't ever fight. Honestly, if you weren't there for me back in high school and middle school I probably would of chosen to end everything. I didn't because I knew that you (and dad of course) cared for me and did everything to make it though the dreadful puberty years. I just want to share something with you that will be forever, something I can show my animal children when you pass. Something that says I love my mom with out putting MOM on my body, because that is just tacky! 

Was that beautiful or what?! *Sniff*  Anyways mom I'm thinking smaller than a dime on the ankle/foot region a little heart. Now wait for it, it's about to get cheesy up in this bitch. It isn't only a heart. It is a rounded 'M' for mom hugging a 'V' for Victoria! Isn't that adorable! I feel like lost you at matching tattoos.

Come on people is that not adorable! 

I would get a tattoo with dad as well, however he is a wimp and has no pain tolerance. LOVE YOU DAD! Besides if I used the same thought process as mom ('D' for Dad and 'V' for Victoria) we would both end up with these weird ice cream cone tattoos. It's less adorable. And then you'd have to explain to your friends why you have an ice cream cone tattooed on you. To me that screams pedophile... I do love you too Dad, I just know the only way you would get a tattoo is if I died and it was my last wish.

I feel like my Dad might feel less loved than my mom at this point. 

Feel better, the other kid you have isn't even mentioned by name!

So PRETTY but so DUMB

I shaved my legs yesterday. Oh how I loathe it. It is a horrible process that isn't worth the time I put into it. And I wish I would of bought another waxing kit. It's just a little difficult to wax the back of your thigh by yourself.

I really want sugar. Like peanut butter M&M's and no bake cookies. *HINT MOM!* (A big bag of peanut butter M&M's like death by peanut butter and chocolate big!)

So I watched 'What Would Ryan Lochte Do?' the other night. I was late and there was nothing else on so I just watched it. There are two things I can surmise from the half hour I spent watching this tv show.

Ryan Lochte is so pretty, but so DUMB!

I just sat there watching this show, which wasn't really entertaining. It was just more of what else stupid will he say? I sat there with this really look on my face. Plus he has a stupid catch phrase Jeah. Yes it is Yeah with a J. Super inventive.

I have a headache. I don't think I've eaten enough today.

Unicorn Shitting Rainbows and Vomiting Butterflies

I've got this personal problem. I'm in the library and my boobs itch like crazy. Too much information? Yes, yes it is. But it's not very easy to solve a problem like that in public. Especially when wearing a sports bra and the ladies are strapped down as tight as possible. I could just go for it, but I don't think I will. Maybe I'll just bite down on my tongue until the itching stops or I completely sever it. Nope, I think I'll go to the bathroom...

Now I feel better! I shouldn't really be writing now. I should be studying for my midterm. Many times my best blog work occurs during procrastination periods. What can I say, I'm human! I have so many things running through my mind today! None of it truly matters. But that's why procrastination is beautiful. It brings life to so many things that you normally would just see as a mundane task! The last few days writing this blog has been like pulling teeth, but today it's a fucking unicorn shitting rainbows and vomiting butterflies. Try to not look at that beautiful horse with sword on its head. Way more interesting than evolution...except how would that relate to evolution?

See it looped back to school. I can't get very far from my responsibilities  its like I'm chained to them and every time I try to pull further away the more that link is strained.

My mind is like this daydream castle, way more interesting than a piece of paper with words on it! I've been thinking: It's going to be sunny on Thursday  Lets break out the wedges and dress with the cut outs! Squeal! Time to look like a girl! I'm really hungry, I get to eat soon. I also get to work out soon and kick my ass! How do I convince my mom to get tiny matching tattoos (Tiny Mom, like dime sized)? What do I want to shop for this weekend? Have I been wearing too much makeup lately? If I wear a belly shirt to school would that be considered slutty? Why are drag queens so fantastic? I'm wearing lots of pink...

You should read this while on molly, I bet everything in here would just pop right out of the computer screen.

This Blog Sucks, Move Along.

Ugh, this school thing will just never end! I still don't feel like my evolution test tomorrow is going to go very smoothly. I want Chinese food or maybe bacon. And I also have no motivation to write anything interesting.

It's almost 8 and I still have to do the following:

• Study Evolution
• Write a Discussion & 2 Responses for Ecosystem Services
• Shower and shave my legs! I'd rather wax them but it's going to be sunny and I'd rather not be a wolf. 
• Do Dishes
• Study more Evolution.
• Graduate college! 

You should of read the title. I'm sorry you wasted 2 minutes of your life. 

Becoming Proactive

Happy 420 to those who love to toke up! I'd just be a paranoid mess so I'll just wish the rest of you a happy high day! I bet many college kids and stoners drove up to Washington to celebrate legally! Here is hoping stores are fully stocked with snacks and that Taco Bell will have fast service!

I'm not really ok right now. I'm 100% freaking out (see, I freak out enough with out the bud). It may not seem like it but there is one thing I know that I do to feel like I have some control in my life. I clean and I organize. I've done all the dishes- no dancing involved- I've cleaned the bathroom, and my room and organized my clothing. Things will work out but right now I just want to try not to have a complete anxiety attack. I've kind of dug myself a hole with school but luckily it isn't very deep and I'm not totally screwed.

Stop being a Debbie Downer me! I am being proactive about my issue! I woke up early and got to the library as soon as it opened. Unfortunately I can't stay past 3 because I have to show my apartment to potential tenants. Maybe I'll continue my productivity by studying at the laundromat. Cleaning clothes and learning!

Here is my parents 'favorite' song that I truly enjoy. They think it's stupid.

 But I don't care, I LOVE IT!

A Good Ole Myspace Survey

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? Does dropping a hockey puck on my foot, on an empty stomach, in a heated bathroom and holding my breath for a bit too long to get rid of the pain count. Then yes, I passed out in the bathroom in 6th grade. My mom was right there, do you remember that?

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before! What crazy bitches would stand there and not let the water heat up first. That is like torture! I would never take showers if I couldn't let it warm up first! So thank the heavens that I let water warm up otherwise I'd be smelly!

Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes I have! When someone suggested it I was like hell no! There is no way I'm doing that. Then after some liquid courage (many daquri's and shots) I was all down for stripping off my clothes to dip in the buff. At one in the morning I went skinny dipping in the ocean with my gal pals. It was fantastic. And there is something I thought I'd never do!

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed? Boxes upon boxes of PLAYGIRL! No, but there really are boxes and suitcases and things that I have to store somewhere. I bet you there is garbage, clothes and other random shit down there too. I will let you know when I move what is truly under my bed. I bet you there is going to be a freaking monster down there!

What movie is in your DVD player? The Godfather! I've never seen it. It's really long and I am having a hard time paying attention. It's a good movie so far. Just slow at points. I am going to have to look up Wikipedia to see some things that I probably missed. It was kind of a tragic story. Or at least that I what I got out of it.

If you had kids, what would you name them?  Yeah I don't like kids and I really don't foresee any in my future. But, I totally have a name for a boy. You all have to swear by the life of your entire family that you will never use this name and by reading this blog you have accepted to the agreed terms as to not name ANYTHING with this name. Therefore if you use this name I can sue the pants off of you! You ready Mom & Dad? Your non-existent Grandchild shall be named Felix. I just like that name and it is uncommon. My Name! MINE!

Do you enjoy giving hugs? It depends. I'm not a hugger. I particularly loathe hugging some people, like it literally makes my skin crawl to embrace particular people. If you would like an example of who this may be, that would be my poor brother. Whenever we visit, I give him a maximum of two hugs. One to say hello and one to say goodbye. My dad has a hilarious image of the visit in Arizona when he wanted a picture of the hug, but the hug maximum has already been given. I've got this sour puss look on my face and was forced into a hug. It is very possible that you reader may be one of those people. Odds are if I don't go for the hug, I don't want to hug you. I'm a hug snob. 

Do you have any nervous habits? I do have nervous habits. Quite a lot actually!  Being anxiety ridden and what not I have a few so if you see me do any of these I'm most likely nervous. I bite my nails, I used to do that all the time but now I usually only bite them if I am extremely stressed to the point of a melt down. However I occasionally nibble. Another habit I usually have is believe it or not, picking out my hair! It is a horrible habit. I personally hate it and if I realize I'm doing it I will stop immediately! I'll often pick at my nails or nail polish and twirl my hair. I'm sure there is other because I'm a goddamn Chihuahua!

What was the last thing you touched?  How about this goddamn keyboard you fucking smart ass. What am I supposed to say? Oh the last thing I touched was this beautiful work of art that I hung on my wall. Nope, that would be way too classy. By the way, the last thing I will have touched  at the end of this sentence is an exclamation point!

When is Killing Justified? When you are really hungry and someone knocks the food out of your hands on the floor. Does anyone else get this hulk like rage and just image smashing this persons head into a wall like 50 times and just pissing all over their corpse. Just me? Was that violent and disturbing  Moral of the story- Don't fuck with a skinny girls food. 

Do you read blogs?  I do not read blogs! I CREATE THEM! I AM THE GREAT CREATOR! All hail me! I'm the mother fucking queen bitches! You all are ahead of me, you are blog readers! I will make you all a certificate. And you better print it out and stick it on your fridge. 

Why do you do Myspace surveys?  Because! I used to do Myspace Surveys all the time. They are totally a thing of the past. However this Myspace survey is like a mixture of six because I had to only use the best answers I had. I couldn't leave you readers with boring yes/no answers. Plus I made you a damn certificate.

The Goldfish Coincidence

Oh boy, last night was fan-freaking-tastic. Last night was my friend Jayna's 21st birthday. These are the events that transpired.

Our bartender was the coolest guy ever. He gave me a quick tour of the bar. Which included running from one end to the other and gave us free drinks all night. Sang, danced and just partied with us when he wasn't taking care of other customers. He was the kind of bartender that you hugged at the end of the night because he just made your time awesome. The last time I hugged a bartender was in Ohio, he gave me free drinks all night and called me Oregon. I loved it!

So there was this goldfish race and my friend Jayna and I got to do it for free because my friend Kate paid for it. I personally found it inhumane to do it but it was free and there was a $100 prize at the end. The first round was my fish- Speedy Gonzolas against Jayna's fish-Dart. I was so sad we were against each other! But my fish was a great swimmer and won the first round YES! Kate's fish Lawrence Fishburne won her first round as well. However the next round Kate and I were pitted against each other and Speedy Gonzolas kicked ass! So I was in the 3rd round when I realized the key to my success in this competition. 

MY UNDERWEAR!

Now I had no idea about this event ahead of time. We just showed up for drinks and 21st birthday shit. My matching bra & panties were-wait for it- GOLDFISH! So there I was totally not sober showing the entire bar my underwear. Because I felt like it was so fantastic the whole world had to know. Now I wasn't just taking my shirt off and showing people. I just lifted up my arm in my tank top and gave them a peak at my themed underwear. Showing a bunch of dudes my underwear in a bar, I should of won right! Ha no. My next opponent who did not have goldfish underwear beat me, and ended up winning the whole thing. I was disappointed but I really shouldn't of been, I didn't buy a damn thing all night and still managed to get drunk. 

Well I did sing some Karaoke because it is my favorite drinking activity besides dancing and I rocked it, like usual. What can I say, I'm a Karaoke Star! 

Fast Forward to the morning...

I feel off, no headache, no nausea, but I'm shaking uncontrollably, hungry and tired. And I put on some clothes clean up my face and I head to class. I was sitting at a computer during lecture and I hear this person say to me...

"Hey, were you at the bar last night?" 

I look up and I'm just like yes, that was me. I actually did recognize him because my friend Kate pointed him out thinking he was a different friend of ours. I talked to my new bar friend for a bit (I don't think I showed him my underwear...) Nice guy and cute, so conversations will continue!

Little Miss Lazy Pants

I need a kick in the pants! I skipped my class again today to get stuff done and here I am in bed watching Dexter's Laboratory. That isn't going to help me graduate from college any sooner. I need to study, turn in the form for graduation announcements and eat some food! I found some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the floor near my bed. Yeah I ate those... THEY WERE STILL WRAPPED!

I finally made it out of my apartment about two hours later and went to the Grad Fair which was confusing as fuck and I spent over $100 in 20 minutes. So I can wear a cap and gown and send people announcements! There were lines everywhere and it pretty much was every man women and child for themselves (Child being if there was some child prodigy there... I didn't see one).  I finally made it to the library where I am now completely in attempting to study mode. Not study mode. Attempting to study! I've been getting things done here and there but then Pandora is on (My Film Scores Radio so I don't get distracted and start singing. Currently Lord of the Rings is playing) and Facebook magically opens (where nothing new is ever happening) and the blog needs to be written! I should probably watch the Lord of the Rings, it's been a while. I doubt I'll have the same reaction as Star Wars but I'll have fun with it.

A friend has her 21st birthday tonight and I'm the only one she knows over 21 so we are hitting the bars tonight whether I can afford to or not. I will personally not be drinking tons. It isn't my day to get wasted. It is my day to sit back and watch the shit show. And maybe play some life size Jenga. That may not actually occur, it could be a simple rumor. But we will attempt to hit up the bar that offers this fantastic event! I'm trying to stay at the library until 6 so that I can get more done. However it is just reading and you all know how I loathe the reading. I'd rather listen to a lecture. A boring stupid lecture.

I need to stop being such a grumpy butt. Maybe if the sun would ever return to the land of rain... All I want to do is put on a dress and some wedges and show my legs the sun again! However right now they are a furry mess, which means it is a waxing time! I hate it but I love it so much. Because I hate taking the time to actually shave.  What can I say! I'm Lazy!

My Life is Exciting

Well I'm exhausted and I've done jack skit still. Why is school so hard this term? I spent some part of today trying to find a dress to wear to a wedding. Now this wedding I will most likely see people from high school so I want to make sure I look beyond fantastic.  And the only dress I want to wear is so not appropriate for a wedding. A skin tight dress would just feel a little skanky, maybe I'll wear that dress at the bars!

Gosh. I have nothing interesting to say. I need to trim my nails. My life is exciting. Seriously. How do you stay away from this blog. I'm so fascinating.

The Great Nipple Debacle

Hey there friends and family. I feel like I've really embarrassed my self this week. Well, I mean I showed my true colors this week! I had fun being completely dorky. I'm having fun and that is all that matters. I have a rough week ahead of me. Sometimes procrastination is needed to really get a reality check. And then realizing how much you just completely fucked yourself over. Wow me, way to be a factory rejected dildo (my favorite insult from the 30 Rock finale). I have hours of reading ahead of me assignments due and midterms to study for. I'm flipping myself the bird. But unlike before I feel like I can actually accomplish these tasks now in a timely manner. Sometimes we all need a reality check, yes I'm sick of school but I'm not going to graduate any sooner if I fail my classes.

So I took a picture with my phone today  and I went back to the album to look at it. To my surprise there were like 20 pictures there that I had never seen before. And am not quite sure what it is. I feel it partially may just be my butt taking photos. However, it also looks like someone took like 20 pictures of their nipple. Now I'm positive this isn't mine because I have better things to do that take nipple pictures  and if I were to take a nip picture I'd be sure to make it more artistic. Plus why would I post my nipple for you all to see?!  I am still just trying to think. If it is in fact a nipple, who was the culprit that would steal my phone and take a million nipple pictures? I have a suspect in mind, but the water to this case might not hold. It may not even be a nipple. I'll leave it up to you to decide. This is the biggest who did it case of the century!

I found this and I belong in this support group. 

It took me a minute to figure out if it said

UNITE not UNTIE

I know I've briefly mentioned my dyslexia before but these words suck.

unite, untie, brain, brian, piece, field

Basically any word where an 'I' is next to a vowel. 'I's are tricky mother fuckers

A Day of Movies

I watched seven movies yesterday with my friend Erica.

You read that right.

SEVEN

First we started the morning off with Maid in Manhattan featuring JLo and Voldemort. (Not Ralph Finnies Rayph Fines). Then we watched The Lorax, it was alright, more musical than I expected! Bachelorette was next which was a wild movie to watch. It was basically a coke filled adventure of crazy women fornicating  and trying to fix their friends wedding dress the night before the wedding. My favorite scene in the movie is when this one girl is talking about blow jobs to this stranger. I'm going to try and find a clip because it was hilarious. Eh, it probably would of been super inappropriate anyways. 

Then we switched it to (and I am embarrassed to admit it) High School Musical. I had only seen this once and Erica was on the couch singing along with all the songs. We basically made fun of it the whole time. It gets worse, next up High School Musical 2. These movies were so much fun to make fun of. I like how the athletes are all like no we never sing and dance, that stuff is for losers- after a huge musical dance number that they themselves sang and danced in.

My Best Friends Wedding! Ah Dermot Mulroney, I'd make out with his pretty face any day. 

I love the Lunch scene. 

And finally the Rugrats movie. I used to like them as a kid, but now I find their baby antics annoying and stupid. My mothering compassion just isn't there. I hate kids. Especially these ones. The only joy I got out of that film was identifying David Spades voice. And that wasn't very exciting. 

Moral of the Story

You can go into a potato like state if you put your heart into it. 

I should probably hit the gym today to make up for my beyond lazy day.

There are no words to describe how much I love this picture. 

I'm a Doofy Whore Face

Halfway done!

Whoa snap it is time to go out like the 23 year old I am. Lets get sexy friends.  After some more dancing (less organized and less outfit changes) I finally sat on my floor and got to work on my face. I mean come on I had to trick people into thinking I was good looking for the night. It is a process people. First you gotta find your colors and then you gotta smear that shit all over your face and BAM you are one sexy mother fucker. 

I like to wear colors like black because it says I'm a whore!

Well one of the best things to do when applying whorish makeup is to actually finish your face. I mean Harvey Dent is a pretty awesome character and I should feel proud to sport that look. I now regret the fact that when I had half makeup face that I didn't draw a mustache on the other side. Because that is something weird that I would get a kick out of. Anyways this was my face for the night. 

DERP!!!

And then I do my hair. I feel like within the last week  my odd ball life has really shown . In this photo I was straightening my hair and the way I had it made me feel like a bird. So the natural response to that is to make a doofy face. I hope my family is proud of my many accomplishments. Whore and Doofy faces. Anyways I had a pretty good night out. I rocked my corset and danced!

Nobody wanted to dance with me though which sucked so I have few reasons as to why

1. I looked so damn hot that every guy was way to terrified to approach me.
2. I didn't look as hot as I felt and I danced like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld. 
3. I was in my own world and 100% oblivious. 

Oh and I've got another poll on the right. Tell me what you think friends!

How I Wash Dishes

I'm in a studying rut. I just can't focus on anything. It is rather annoying. Because I know I have stuff to do. But instead of doing anything with real meaning I made this for you my friends. I do this whenever I'm home alone because I get bored with what I have to do. So yesterday I had to wash dishes, which I loathe! However, from what I have found there is only one solution....

Dance like a Fuckin' Boss

My dishes don't get done very timely fashion. But I have a fantastic time doing it!

I also hope you liked my outfit choices. Those are some of my favorite pieces. 

Watch out Fashion Week in Paris! I think I just kicked your ass in less than 5 minutes! 

Here is some advice that you all should take. If someone gives you money. You should always dance for it. It makes life that much more enjoyable  I'm not saying dancing as a stripper and having people stick coke lined dollar bills into your g-string. I mean break it down for a couple of seconds. People might wonder what the hell you are doing, but in your mind it is a fucking dance party. 

My Quirky Plan

Well I did the most ridiculous thing tonight. And unfortunately for you, you won't get to see for a while. Maybe tomorrow. I'm just really quirky and really bored. I might need to find more friends, but then again, I'm quite the odd ball. I'll give you guys a hint but I doubt you know what I've done.

Yeah good luck figuring out my crazy life.  Sorry it is another short one. 

EAT!

Guys. I'm writing a paper about the origin of Nail Polish. Why? Because I was trying to think of what to write my paper on and I was picking the coral color off of my finger nails.

I went to the gym and really worked out today and then I stepped on the dreaded scale because it was right there in the locker room. Oh fuuucccckkkk. I'm 5lbs under where I like to be. Weight problems suck, I'm always afraid of being too skinny. Stick thin isn't a look I want to return to. I want to look like I am at a healthy weight! Well that means one thing. EAT! I've got some chicken in the oven right now that I am going to cover in BBQ sauce.

Well...I guess I still don't really have much to say...

Nerd Volcano

Shit folks. I'm on a Star Wars kick.

 My inner nerd is spewing out of me like its been trapped in me for a long time. 

NERD VOLCANO!

I've been feeling lethargic and unmotivated. My give a shit levels are low. 

I have things to do and I really don't want to do them. 

I also don't feel like writing. My entire last week was pretty long I used my good ideas folks.

Life Advice

I need life advice. I can't exactly tell you what I need advice for because I'd rather not spew my personal issues on a public blog. So whoever wants to give me advice- Call me, text me, facebook me, whatever! Well...don't call me. Because I hate talking on the phone. I'm just an awkward phone talker. I'd prefer to talk in person actually but considering most of my readers live at least 3 hours away, technology will have to work.

I'm super hungry but I do not want to cook for myself! Life is hard huh! I need a chef/I need to like different types of food! I just ate buttered bread because I couldn't decide what else I wanted to ingest. I'd go to the store but I don't like driving my car and I really just to lay on the couch and snack. So if someone could bring be chips or something. Maybe a root beer float?

I played volleyball yesterday for the first time in I don't know how long. It felt great! However I realized very quickly how out of shape I was. After playing for 20  minutes I was exhausted! Damn! How did I do this in high school? I thought I was semi in shape now. Apparently I'm the fat kid minus the fat! I also had a ab workout that left me practically in tears. Shit, if I continue that I'm going to be ripped. Bikini season is almost here, might as well continue. The plus side of thing is that I already look fantastic in a bikini so extra work won't really do anything but make me feel kick ass.


I promise though I won't go for that super muscular look. I'm talking about female body builders. Because that is really gross. And I promise I will never use fake tan. I'm Snow White beautiful dammit! I think I will take boobs over woman pecs any day! I mean, look at those thigh muscles...ew. The only reason I would want to be that muscular is if I was an angry person and loved getting in fights. I'd always win. But then again with all that steroid use I'd probably grow a mini penis. From what I hear, men love ripped women with mini penises. Did this get weird? I think so, but you guys should already know that I am weird. If not...

 WELCOME TO MY STRANGE WORLD!

Standing Up to Religious Zealots

So the other day at the library we had the Spring religious zealots telling ever college student they are going to hell because they drink, have premarital sex, have homosexual feelings and abort babies and what not. Basically it is a shit show of screaming and the winner is the one who can talk the loudest. It pretty much is just a bunch of loud noises. No one has a calm conversation because everyone is wrong.

I want to do this. However I do not have the cojones to do it. I would need to practice a speech. I'm sorry if you don't find this funny. I was laughing my ass off when I thought of it. So if you think it's stupid, why are you reading what I have to say. If you think this is stupid the obviously you are in the wrong place brah!

As this dude is spewing religious shit from his mouth I want to stand up and say-

There was another born to a virgin mother. This child was destined for greatness, he showed great promise with his abilities. However, unlike Jesus, sacrificed others for his power. He slaughtered innocent men, women and children out of hatred. He ruthlessly hunted down and murdered his friends as per request of his 'father' the devil. Blinded by the devils deceitful words he fell deeper into the darkness until he was unrecognizable by the few who evaded his wrath. Who could have known that a child with an abnormally high midi-chloiran count could have fallen down the path of evil. My friends, this is the story of Anakin Skywalker. (I had lots of other awesome things to say but I forgot by the time I wrote this. Made me super frustrated!)

Then of course if I'd make it this far I'd probably be belittled by the devout Christians as they would say that my story is a work of fiction. My response would be-Well I prefer movies to books, but either way they are both works of fiction. Fellow sinners please follow me to the bars where we can all go to hell in a handbasket. We can all toast that hell will be fantastic since these wacko religious bastards won't be there!

I can see how this could be offensive. So if you are offended take this little chill pill and relax!

Doing Smart People Things

Happy Saturday my friends. This has been one long ass week. I have to start being responsible. I started off my week clearly avoiding them by laying on the floor. I did not get much done. Ah, and It will be a long ass day. It is the first weekend of the term and I am already in the library doing smart things that smart people do. I am currently facing my arch enemy- READING. It gets worse. Not only is it reading, it is my least favorite kind of reading- SCIENTIFIC PAPERS.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am so bored here!

And I would rather be finishing up my Star Wars marathon with my personal favorite flick 

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI

It is just so cool. I mean you start of at Tatooine and ends up in three fucking awesome battles. First of all you've got Leia's smoking hot bikini. I would totally get one because I'm a nerd but, approximately 90% of sluts wear it on Halloween. Plus it looks like cheap material. The Rancor was pretty scary to me as a kid, how could it not be with all of those teeth and slobber and what not. I still cannot understand what Yoda says in his last words. Do I just get bored or does my hearing a twisted way of speaking suck when gargles increase.

 Endor is a pretty freaking sweet planet. I personally LOVE the Ewoks! Wicket is fucking adorable. Did you ever see an Ewok adventure starring lil' Wicket? Don't... I just like the Ewok ass kicking! Who knew bad ass could be so adorable. 

IT'S A TRAP!

The end fight scene is al ot like when Anakin faced off Count Dooku. Except Luke made the Jedi decision and spared Vader's life. Emperor Palpatine is just an Evil Pikachu. Was that a weird thought? Also the Emperpor was suprisingly easy to terminate, lets just throw him of this ledge. Mace Windu should have done that when he had the chance. But no he had to try and strike him down with a light saber. 

THE GALACTIC EMPIRE HAS BEEN DESTROYED!

Lets have an Ewok celebration party. 

AND I HAVE THE HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN GHOST VERSION! Plus the ending yub yub song changed. FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS. I LOVED THAT SONG.

Well that concludes the Star Wars series. I guess I should make dinner now... My life has less meaning now.

I have a what I believe to be hilarious but potentially offensive (to some) thought that I will share with you guys about Star Wars tomorrow. I giggled when I thought of it. 

The Original Series

My hair looks fantastic today. I actually took a brush and brushed that shit and I never brush my hair. It is soft, shiny and fucking beautiful. Thank you hair for being awesome. I should be in one of those hair commercials.  LIKE A BOSS. Except it is raining. RUINED MY DAY! And it wasn't just rain it was horizontal rain. Not even a hood could protect your face.

Anyways I forgot how completely sweet Star Wars is. Obviously it has been too long since I've watched them. The old ones are next up and I'm super stoked! LETS DO IT!

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy-Best Line Ever.
I try to use it to describe people or scary places.

Well, they certainly tied the movies together well. Or at least I think they did. I feel like the character of Anakin really didn't fit into the feel of Darth Vader. However, it is possible that after (I'm assuming twenty some years) he has lost any love for anything and is just consumed with darkness. Knowing the whole back story of Vader kind of makes the originals different. I don't really know how to explain it. 

I was Princess Leia for Halloween in 1st or 2nd grade, White dress, cinnamon buns and everything. I'd show you an adorable picture but alas, I do not have it on me. Now this is the special edition version so they added a bunch of Dewbacks to Tatooine. I did not look up the term Dewback...I just knew that. 

AWWWW YEAH, Han Solo. What a sexy mother fucker. All he needs is a teeny bit of stubble.

 Shit that would just change his character to Indiana Jones! Either way works for me!
Calista Flockhart is a lucky woman.

Why didn't Chewie get a fucking medal at the end?!

So I don't really have anything to do yet in school. I literally sit at my apartment by myself.
So I already popped in...

STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

This was another movie that scared me! The Wampa,  the Dagoba System, the Cloud City take over, Luke getting his hand removed and whatnot. Yes, I know the world of Star Wars. My brother says it is a good thing. So far it has not gotten me any free things. Maybe I don't show it enough.

I did want a Tauntaun as a kid. How could you not want a Winter Ram/Kangaroo thing. Hoth still is one of my least favorite planets, I mean come on it looks so cold! Ew... brother and sister making out. That is not a way to make the handsome Han jealous Leia. Someone tell me that they love me so I can look back and say 'I Know'. Would that be considered mean? Probably. Watch out boys, I may Han Solo your ass. Why did Yoda become a spunky old green dude? All of his friends were brutally murdered and he is just the crazy old    thing (whatever he is) causing trouble all over Dagoba. I hate how this one ended with a cliff hanger.

These blogs are just so long. I hope I don't bore you with my thoughts. Hopefully you like Star Wars. I asked my brother millions of questions last night about random things.

• How old is Yoda?
• Why is Princess Leia still a princess even though Alderan was destroyed?
• Why did Grand Moff Tarkin have such control over Darth Vader?
• How long did Luke spend training in Dagobah?
• Why doesn't Obi-Wan recognize R2D2?

I may be seriously over thinking the series...

Tequila is a Girls Name

So I am watching this show and this gals name is Tequila. Was this some sort of conception joke? Or did they think it was just a beautiful name? I feel like if you name a child Tequila there has to be some sort of liquid influence. Here is the kicker, this girl and her family are devout Christians  so I'm thinking Tequila never touched her families lips. I bet they heard the song Tequila and were like that is a fantastic name.

Would you name your kid Whiskey? Vodka? Rum?

STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Still on a VHS tape I'm such a bad ass. Well the technology seemed to of improved. 2002! The think I loathe about this movie is the horrendous dialog between Anakin and Padme! It makes me cringe so awkward! Ewan McGregor still is a hottie with a beard, any bushier and it would be too lumberjack-ish. I also use to have a crush on Hayden Christensen...however he looks much better in the 3rd film. I don't remember being this boy crazy as a youngin. I suppose Ewan McGregor is more of a now crush than 11 years ago.

Anakin really is just a time bomb, snobby kid needs to get his ass beat. He's just the rich horny kid that gets what he wants and if not he stomps around and makes a fuss. He also reminds me of that kids book 'Are You My Mother?' because he is just always looking for her. Where is my mother?!

In that instant where his mother dies *SPOILER* Darth Vader is truly born *ANOTHER SPOILER*

I wanted to have an outfit like Padme, you know the white one. Well they have a Halloween costume for that but the thing that really bugs me is that the sexy version is all nice a pretty when in reality she was clawed down by a fucking arena beast! Now I'm not this nerdy, I had to look it up but the one I am referring to is the Nexu. Now that I watched that scene, when the fuck did she lose her sleeve and stomach region of her shirt. Literally got scratched once and half her shirt went missing. 

Wouldn't it be kinda cool if like dyslexia there would be something called Yoda. Where you talked and wrote with your sentences backwards. And I forget how FUCKING AWESOME YODA IS. All bad ass, green and what not. I remember giggling in the theaters because damn he could move! The good think about a light saber injury is that is would just cauterize the veins so that no blood spillage occurs! Gosh I'm super random today. MILLIONS OF THOUGHTS!

I also would like to point out that I really don't have a life. 

STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Oh hey, We are on DVD people!

I really don't remember this movie or at least so far I don't. I've probably seen this one the least out of all of them. Oh and Anakin SUPER SEXY, Obi-wan lost his sex appeal too much beard. I think General Grievous is cool. Why I don't know. But he seems to have a cold...even though he is a cyborg. Can someone please explain that to me. Ah, well I just kept watching and it turns out he has these itty bitty lungs. Still- Awesome

OH MY GOSH I haven't seen this movie in ages it was so sad! I cried like a little girl. But that means nothing I am totally a movie crier. I cry so easily! It is just kind of a tragic story. I also decided if someone had never seen star wars before I would start with episode 4-6. I can watch it 1-6 because I've seen all of them but I think that it would make more sense to watch them out of order for a newbie. 

This is getting ridiculously long. 

STAR WARS MARATHON!

I made myself a TERRIBLE dinner. The chicken sucked, the vegetables sucked and even the milk sucked.

OPTIMISM DOES NOT EXIST HERE!

 I was sitting eating my crappy dinner all alone when I got this feeling. Of something that needed to be completed. I knew the moment I felt it that this would be a very important part of my life. I sensed something. A presence I have not felt since before college...

If you haven't guessed what I'm talking about now then you are not nerdy enough

 and you should follow my lead. Or if you are too stupid to read the title.

STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE

I wasn't really sure if I should start at 1 or 4 but I decided if you take longer than 5 minutes to decide then you are too nerdy and need a life. Now this is where it gets old school. The only copy I have of Episode I is on VHS. And when I stuck it in the player I had to REWIND?! WHAT?! I've also noticed the animation is not quite what it used to be. It could also be the fact that VHS tapes are grainy! (Or it could be the movie came out in 1999)

Can anyone else tell the difference between Keira Knightly and Natalie Portman as Queen Amidala. I mean it is pretty obvious. But it makes me smile because I always thought they looked alike and BLAMMO same movie. Ewan McGregor is so Dreamy! Or at least I used to think Young Anakin was quite the hottie back in 1999! I used to not be able to watch the part when Qui-Gon Jinn got stabbed or when Darth Maul fell into two pieces. Oops *SPOILER* Sorry if you have never seen this movie. Where have you been for the last 14 years, under a rock?! 

...14 years, I saw this movie in theaters! 

Jar Jar looks part amphibian. How does he survive on tatooine? Science. I'm going to get some sick facial tats like Darth Maul. Sexy right! My least favorite line "IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING" This might have to do with Star Wars Racer N64...stupid Skywalker. However the sounds of the pod racer really makes me want to race! Sadly my N64 is at home and not here. 

You probably don't realize this but I am a day ahead in my blogs. Sometimes I just have things to say and I end up writing it the day before. Leaving me with this odd past present tense issue hence the dinner issue. So technically this happened yesterday. What am I going to do waste these stupid thoughts?! Most likely Star Wars Episode II will be watched tonight, because that is how sane marathons work. 

That's What Friends Are For?

It is a Debbie Downer kind of day. Grab your tissues bitches. 

First of all I am really nervous because I have to meet up again with the same group from last term and I really don't want to. Being forced to be around people you don't like sucks. 

You ever feel like things just aren't right in your life and things just aren't working out the way you feel they should? Right now I guess you could say there is this void inside me. Now of course I am speaking of this void figuratively, because literally would probably mean I'd be dead in like 10 seconds.

...

...

...

...

PHEW still alive.

Anyways things haven't gone the way I've wanted them to the last three months. College usually is a stressing enough but then when your personal life kinda falls apart it just feels like life as you know it is just in the crapper. I'm sorry to be all vague and mysterious, the best way I can describe it is how utterly alone I feel. Maybe I should be a little more social and try and make some friends. 

My mom has always told my brother and I when shit hits the fan that things will always work out. And she's right, things will most likely be fine in the end. Just as of right now, it doesn't feel too great.

I just need someone to sing the Jungle Book song to me. 

We're your friends

We're your friends

We're your friends to the bitter end!

When you're alone

Who comes around

To pluck you up

When you are down.

And when you're outside looking in who's there to open the door?

That's what friends are for!

Besides the downer blog I saw the coolest thing ever yesterday. A young boy 5 or 6 was walking with his mom. He was the normal boy style except for his one piece of fashion choice. A t-shirt, jeans and a big pink tutu. I love the fact that this boys parents let him wear what he wants. It makes me smile.

 He fucking worked that pink tutu.

Facing Responsibilities

Spring Term starts today. One big ass term is in my way.

Well I think that is great advice...

It didn't seem to solve any of my problems. 

WHERE ARE YOU INSTANT GRATIFICATION?!

*Note this is not planking!*

Anyways since I'm trying to complete my college degree I've got a full term of 16 credits. I've never been able to do it but if I want to graduate in the Summer it is a must. So unfortunately I can't ignore my responsibilities. I'm just going to have to work my hardest ever! I should probably start now by putting my clothes away. I got here yesterday, my clothes are still right by the door. And there is no food in my fridge, I should probably go shopping... I really shouldn't be an adult. Who put me in charge of my life?! I obviously am not ready to even put my pants on in the morning. I'll just walk around in my thankfully adorable underwear. Lets face it, since I'm not an adult I wouldn't have any clean so I'd walk around in my still thankfully adorable Wonder Woman Bikini. Hmmmm, I wonder...

Nope didn't help. I'm just cold and more naked. 

I'm feeling a little quirky if you couldn't tell. Ignoring responsibility has never been so fun!

I should probably stop now.

Oh P.S. April Fools Sucks Monkey Butt