Standing Up to Religious Zealots

So the other day at the library we had the Spring religious zealots telling ever college student they are going to hell because they drink, have premarital sex, have homosexual feelings and abort babies and what not. Basically it is a shit show of screaming and the winner is the one who can talk the loudest. It pretty much is just a bunch of loud noises. No one has a calm conversation because everyone is wrong.

I want to do this. However I do not have the cojones to do it. I would need to practice a speech. I'm sorry if you don't find this funny. I was laughing my ass off when I thought of it. So if you think it's stupid, why are you reading what I have to say. If you think this is stupid the obviously you are in the wrong place brah!

As this dude is spewing religious shit from his mouth I want to stand up and say-

There was another born to a virgin mother. This child was destined for greatness, he showed great promise with his abilities. However, unlike Jesus, sacrificed others for his power. He slaughtered innocent men, women and children out of hatred. He ruthlessly hunted down and murdered his friends as per request of his 'father' the devil. Blinded by the devils deceitful words he fell deeper into the darkness until he was unrecognizable by the few who evaded his wrath. Who could have known that a child with an abnormally high midi-chloiran count could have fallen down the path of evil. My friends, this is the story of Anakin Skywalker. (I had lots of other awesome things to say but I forgot by the time I wrote this. Made me super frustrated!)

Then of course if I'd make it this far I'd probably be belittled by the devout Christians as they would say that my story is a work of fiction. My response would be-Well I prefer movies to books, but either way they are both works of fiction. Fellow sinners please follow me to the bars where we can all go to hell in a handbasket. We can all toast that hell will be fantastic since these wacko religious bastards won't be there!

I can see how this could be offensive. So if you are offended take this little chill pill and relax!