Chickens

Oooh I'm baaaad.... I didn't blog for a few days there. I had nothing to say. My Aunt Linda suggested Chickens. However I have nothing cool to say about chickens.

I feel like I need to take a hint from Ferris Buller and slow down in life. I've been very stressed the last two weeks and I need to try and relax about it. I lead an anxiety ridden life and it feels like lately its really taken over. So maybe that is the stem of my writers block. Or maybe I need to retire this blog after graduation. Every day for over a year is a lot! I'm considering it. Maybe I'll switch to once a week and compile my thoughts daily so that you folks have more to read.

I'll be in blog mood sooner or later!

Vine Videos

I am a little obsessed with vine videos. Its a new social network where users make 6 second video clips. I admit it sounds stupid. But some people are freaking creative geniuses in 6 seconds. Its short enough so that you won't click away.

Here is a compilation of some. They are hilarious. 

Here is more in case if you loved it. I personally couldn't stop watching this or laughing!

Help Me, Help You

I'm failing at the blogs. I was at the library forever and took a midterm. I've just been so freaking exhausted and I do not have the patience to write. Nor do I feel inspired. I just want to lie on the floor. I need an inspiration. Someone inspire me.

Someone request a topic. If you really enjoy reading this help me! 

I would love to produce something that people enjoy instead of this I'm tired crap. 

I'm a Hypocrite

Well shit. I'm a freaking hypocrite.  Yesterday I was complaining  "Why are so many boys calling me? " and here I am...giving yet another male my phone number and setting a date. For feeling overwhelmed with the texts and phone calls I did nothing but exacerbate the situation. Well, I guess I am living life. I'm living life large.

I'm fairly sleepy. All this studying (and drinking) is exhausting. Ha! To be fair I didn't drink too much last night. Just enough to wake up feeling like I drank.

I think I am at the slightly sleepy stage. Hunger is the only thing that is keeping me awake. 

Bllleeeeeeeeehhhhhhh

Bleeeeeehhh, I'm having first world problems. Boys won't stop calling meeeeeeee! They all want to hangout and they all want to go do thing. I should't really complain, as my friend points out, at least boys are calling.

I'm really exhausted from school. This 4 week course thing is going to be killer. I've done nothing but sleep and study. I'm not really in a blogging mood. Like I said yesterday I've been a bit scatter brained.

I don't really have anything else to say. I feel like bleeeeeeeeehhhhh, says everything I need to say.

Scatter Brained!

I'm having a hard time figuring out a solid schedule. I'm having a hard time with the basic self care. Now I've got hygiene down.  I don't smell! However I forget to eat, I forget plans I've made, homework I have and other random shit. I'm a bit scatter brained and my blog readers suffer. For that I apologize. But I think I can make it up to you. This video cracks me up!

I'll try and be better about blogs!

Sleepless and NOT in Seattle

Well I'm exhausted. So last night was the first night in my new apartment and I had a shitty night. I was in bed with the lights out at 12:30. I then had a very poor light sleep until 3:30am. Then I was just awake until 5:30. I finally fell alseep and was woken up only a few hours later by my alarm. I forced myself to get up at 11 and go to the library. I spent the day learning about stupid fish. Watching lectures and videos, reading books and scientific papers. Instead of purchasing the $300.00 book I discovered it was on reserve at the library, and I got the time to return it wrong so it was an hour overdue.

I became frustrated and went home. Tired, hungry and cranky. 

Well the day wasn't a complete bust. I road a bike for the first time in like 2 years. The first time I've ever ridden a bike on campus. I had to learn the hand signals for bikes and It was overwhelming but I did it!

We've been watching Music and Lyrics tonight but the DVD player sucks and its been skipping over half the movie and we have watched the entire thing like that. I just don't care. 

I'm still cranky and tired. I'm going to bed...hopefully. 

New Roommates

Officially moved into my apartment for the summer. I have a few roommates. Their names are Erica, Lennon and Lucy. Two of the three are kitties.

Lucy is a black friendly needy kitty.

I am biased. I love Lennon. He is a big fluffy friendly kitty!

It was hard to get everything unpacked because both of them are lovers! And it is hard to ignore two cute fluffy beings who purr! I think this will be a great summer with these lovely kitties. I just wish I could take Lennon home! In fact Lennon is currently snuggled up on my lap right now! What a LOVER! My other human roommate Erica is afraid of cats. Its kind of adorable and hilarious! But I'm glad we aren't fighting over who gets to cuddle who!

Happy 400th Blog Posting! 

Exhasusted

Oh fail, I almost missed today. I'm moving back to school tomorrow so I can complete my FINAL term of college WOO! But right now I'm sleepy and had a way to much of an eventful day. It was GO GO GO! Home, car place, home, vet office, home, back to vet office, Home, dinner at a restaurant and home. That was too many trips.

All I want to do is sleep.

Job?

My last term of college begins tomorrow. This is how I may feel after. 

(if the GIF isn't running above just click the picture, it will explain my feelings much better while moving)

Gawb? Whats a Gawb?

OH GOB!

...Not George Oscar Bluth?

With a 'J'. Job? Work?

I officially am beginning my search for a sugar daddy. This job thing sounds terrible. 

QUELF!

All good things start off with a game of Quelf. If you haven't heard of it. Buy it. It is the silliest game ever. Like very silly. My throat currently hurts because I had to be an upset Gnome who had burnt her cookies and had to act out. Then my dear Uncle Rob got to put make up on my face. I looked more like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock Batman episode

Now guys, don't get confused. This is Tina Fey

This is me.

Yes my shirt is inside out AND backwards.That is the last time I let my uncle do my makeup. He obviously knows how to bring out the most beautiful me possible. Maybe you should be a makeup artist Rob. 

Stupid Celebrity Baby Names

Whoa guess who is writing this blog from her new smart phone! If you guess incorrectly you need to get your smarts checked!

Ok so I tried writing for like 10 minutes and that is the only sentence I got out of the whole deal. Smart phones are HARD! I'm not smert enough fer mer smert phern!

Oh for the least important news ever. Kanye West & Kim Kardashian released their baby name.

North

Yes, they named their baby girl North West. I keep up on Perez Hilton all the time and I thought it was clever when he suggested that their kids middle name should be Bynorth. Leaving the full name to be

North Bynorth West

I swear celebrity baby names. Their daughter is going to get beat up. Or at least Kayne will probably pay people to be her friend, They can afford it! I mean I've seen some stupid baby names in the past but for some reason ( And I don't know why) I expected a classier name from the Kardashians... Maybe not Kayne. he seems like a grade A douche bag. But that being said I haven't actually met the guy. It isn't fair to judge someone but he just seem like he thinks is a god.

Other celebs stupid baby names include:

Pilot Inspektor- Jason Lee's Kid from My Name is Earl- What? Really?
Apple- Gwenyth Paltrow
Coco- Courtney Cox and David Arquette - Stripper Name anyone?
Sage Moonblood- Sylvester Stallone- Hippy Name!

Seriously? Well Thank god all of their parents are rich and famous and can get away with stupid shit.

Smart Phones

I got a Smart Phone today! Samsung Galaxy S3! Woop! 

It is taking me forever to get used to it. I'm not used to my phones being smarter than me but I'm having a jolly good time with it. However, I do fear being too connected and needy to the internet world. It is a slippery slope and it is easy to not socialize with people while thumbing through your new apps. So I guess my goal is to not focus so much on my phone when there are people around! I want to be able to set it down and not need to be connected at all times. This is the future, but sometimes I wonder if technology is really a good thing. That being said I'm super excited for my new phone! Hopefully I can connect it to blogger at some point!

I'm still trying to figure it out. It's like this big mystery. My uncle showed me something and I just gasped not even knowing that invisible possibility! 

Here is to the future! Lets hope the kids of tomorrow still go outside!

This Blog Is About My Cat.

Well it is another day. And I have nothing fascinating to write about. 

Except that I have a very needy kitty. Who demands constant sleepies and cuddles. 

I do not place her in these positions. She just squishes up next to me and goes from a tight little ball to taking up my entire bed. It is flipping adorable. Until she wakes up and DEMANDS something else. Then I want to find the kitty mute button. 

I apologize for talking about my cat so much. I kind of like her. Even when she doesn't shut her kitty trap. I promise a much more interesting bloggy blog tomorrow. 

Here is hoping that I get some stuff done tomorrow. Over half of my apartment is still on my parents front porch. We need to somehow get it into my bedroom at home. I also need to go see This Is The End. Because it looks FUCKING HILARIOUS!

My Busy Week!

Alright! I'll blog today! I've had so many complaints!

You- "VICTORIA, when are you going to update the blog? Victoria, you didn't write anything today."

UGH! FINE!

So I've obviously been a Busy Beaver. In the last week I had finals & studying to complete, I had to pick up family from the airport, I had to drink with friends, I cleaned & moved out of my entire apartment (with the help of my wonderful family), I moved into my new apartment and I Graduated* from College.
*( I have one more term to complete!)

I finished finals a little nervous about my final evolution grade, not showing up for the last two weeks of school and only showing up to class twice a week made it complicated. But I passed with a C-! Yay for mediocre achievement! My other classes I managed to achieve all B's in so that worked! My final papers all sucked though. Guess it doesn't matter now!

After that was completed I drove up to Portland to pick up my Aunt Linda and Uncle Joe from the airport where I explored Ikea for the first time! And the next night my Mystery 2nd Cousin Brittany drove to my apartment where we met for the first time and had a fun time at the bars! The next day my parents arrived with a surprise. My Brother came to celebrate my graduation! SURPRISE! We then all met up with Linda, Joe & my Uncle Rob.

The next day was Graduation! 

Yay! Bachelors of Science Bitches! 

I majored in Fisheries and Wildlife with a minor in Zoology!

After graduation I was just exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep for twenty years! Well at least the next few days. I'm sleeping 10 hour nights with two hour naps during the day. What can I say I need my rest. I probably could write pages about the last week but I seem to find the events too difficult to write down. Lets hope the majority of you readers lived it.  

Update

My lack of internet has made it difficult to create blogs. I'm exhausted. I may have semi-graduated from college today. GO ME! More details when my brain can function. I'll most likely have a normal schedule again by Tuesday! 

Another Bar Story

I missed yesterday. I'm sorry guys. I woke up at 6am yesterday and I didn't get back home til late. Plus there is no longer wireless internet at my apartment so I am bumming wifi from the dining hall two blocks away.

Yesterday I went and picked up my family from the airport and spent the day in the Portland/Vancouver area. I returned home that night hoping to get some cleaning done but I had this urge to sing Karaoke. So I booked it to the bars. Before I left I texted a bunch of my friends saying karaoke at the bar tonight! Two friends responded stating that they would be in attendance. 

I drove over to the bars and took a deep breath. I was going into a bar by myself! It' really nerve wracking to do. I mean you are alone in a sense drinking. It feels a little awkward. So I walked in holding onto my confidence with all its might (Well you have to be confident to be wearing a belly baring top with sky high heels, but that's beside the point!). I then handed my ID got my $1.50 PBR and sat at the bar. All. By. Myself. It felt awkward but I just sat there drinking my 'high quality' beer. The benefits of being a girl at the bar is that people come to you. I don't have to nervously exert any energy trying to go talk to someone. 

Less than 10 mintues after arriving at the bar I was approached by a guy who nervously told me that his friend told him if he didn't approach me he was a pussy. I told him to sit down next to me and we talked for half the night. He was a really nice guy and I had a good time. I had two friends show up. One stayed only for 20 minutes and the other I sat down and had a long conversation with. Then my 'hugging friend' and his buddy showed up and I hung out with them until the bars closed. They lived semi-close to me so they walked me home. I was only walking alone for 3 blocks. I then proceeded to run home. Which may have been a bad idea... I could have totally fallen and eaten it. Very poor balance. 

Today I am cleaning up my apartment and getting ready to move out. I'm really tired of it. Which is why I took an internet break! 

My Finals Countdown

TUESDAY! Is going to last FOREVER.

 I have 3 final things to do. Unfortunately the last thing won't occur until like 9...

Well two things down, one to go. I'm pretty sure I bombed my evolution final. GO ME. My presentation final was easy and now I am waiting for a friend to get off work and take the last final online. All I want to do is dance.

What's that? I'm a idiotic goofball? Yeah... I am. 

But it really is the FINAL COUNTDOWN!

NAH NAH NAH NAAAAAAHHHHH

Another Finals Week!

Finals Week has begun. I have a final Tuesday at 9:30 am, a Presentation final at noon and an online final after that. Then I'm done for two weeks before class starts! I also get to see my family, walk at commencement and drink my liver away.

Finals are a making me stressed. I might not get a great grade in evolution, but that is my fault, I didn't exactly go to class the last 3 weeks so I'll take what I can get.

See I didn't prepare today's blog early. Therefore today I am tired and I have nothing to say.

Pineapple

My Ego is Getting Big

I had an ego boosting moment this last week...Actually, come to think of it I've had an ego boosting week. And it hasn't made my head all big and what not. It has just made me feel like I've had a fantastic last few days.

So some of you may know this. But I've never thought of myself of that attractive of a person. I don't know why, some weird insecurity things. I guess the person I see in the mirror isn't the person everyone else sees. I see acne. I see moles. I see teeth that aren't perfect. Sometimes I see a way to skinny person in the mirror and other time I see someone who I believe needs to lose weight. My body image isn't exactly positive but it isn't negative either. There are days when I see my kick ass body and I'm like FUCK yeah. You look tight! Just sometimes the negatives stand out more than the positive. I'm human what can I say.

It has come to my attention- and I'm not meaning this in a I'm full of myself way- that I am in fact a 'slammin hottie' (not my words). I got a lot of male attention this last week and I will not deny the fact that I loved it. Last night I went to the bars and 3 guys told me they liked my shorts. I have a sneaking suspicion it wasn't my shorts they liked... I went to the bar last Thursday and this guy asked me if I was single and then proceeded to literally jumped out of his chair and celebrate by yelling 'YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS' when I told him I was. I've never had anyone celebrate the fact that I am of singleness.

Other events occurred, but what can I say, when it rains it pours. Is it just the confidence I am exuding from all this male attention. My head isn't getting big about it. I just shocked the majority of the time that people are hitting on me. Maybe it is a good thing I don't know what my full potential is. I could be walking around thinking I was the hottest thing treating people like shit. Does that make me the down to earth girl next door type?

 I try to be more confident in my appearance but it can be challenging. I'm more confident about who I am inside over my exterior. Which I would like to think is a fantastic trait.

I LOVE THIS SONG. All these BLURRED LINES!

Are you Smarter than a Californian?

Ok, I'm not meaning to offend Californians by saying they are stupid. I'm just saying are you smarter than these Californians.

I was watching this youtube series of this guy asking questions about England and Canada. It is days like this where I am glad I am of higher education. I may not know all of the details of these countries, but I obviously know more than the majority of the Californians this guy interviewed. This guy is funny but he is kind of a tool so if you choose to watch the video clips be prepared to either be insulted or laugh. Or both!

On England

1. Who is the Queen of England?
2. Where is England?
3. What is the currency in England?
4. What color is the flag in England?
5. What bands have come out of England?

To be fair I didn't know who the current prime minister is, the only names I could think of was Tony Blair. Nor did I know the currency rate.But I did know significantly more questions than the native Californians. Dumb Californians on England

On Canada

1. What color is the Canadian flag and what is on it?
2. What is the currency in Canada?
3. What countries border Canada?
4. What languages are spoken in Canada
5. What is a Mountie?

I didn't know how many territories there are in Canada but I still outsmart all of these people!

Dumb Californians on Canada

On America

1. Who are the faces on Mount Rushmore?
2. Who was the first president of the United States?
3. Who was the second president of the United States?
4. What year did 9/11 happen?
5. Capitol of New York
6. Capitol of California
7. Who Won the Civil war?
8. Where is the mid-west?
9. Who is the Vice President?

If you know these you are smarter than these people. Dumb Californians on America. 

Let this be a lesson to those still in school. PAY ATTENTION! Because you could look like a dumb ass. 

Beware of Bieber Fever

If I were a scientist that studied new flu symptoms and I discovered a brand new string of infectious influenza I would have the perfect name ever. I probably just described something that doesn't make any sense but I hope you know what I mean.  

Anyways, I will name it 

Bieber Fever

Now what I hope for is that the term Bieber Fever will change. I mean the term faggot means a bundle of sticks that is primarily used for fuel, but now it is a derogatory remark towards homosexuals...how does that make sense? Now i'm not meaning for Bieber Fever to change into a derogatory remark, I'm just stating that the definition of it will change. 

Basically Bieber Fever will stop being associated with the tool of a pop star ans strike fear into the hearts of families across the nation causing mass moralities and world wide panic. 

The individual that contracts this strand of the flu will immediately have a fever followed by extreme vomiting and defecation as well as intense nosebleeds. Extreme headaches, coughing. Pretty much flu symptoms exacerbated and with the chance of death. And for shits and giggles when people get tested for it if a Justin Bieber song plays that means you are infected and you might die. 

It also means you probably will lose your shirt and give you delusions of entitlement.

So far there is only one thing to alleviate Bieber fever. 

 I know I'm not the first one to come up with this concept. I just hope there are scientists out there who have a grand sense of humor and names a deadly something after the tool of a pop star. 

Like I said I'm getting ahead of myself. Wrote this a few days ago because I thought it would be humorous. I also wrote tomorrows blog yesterday! I'm just plugging out these blogs! However I am blanking on the actual important paper I have to write. Oh well as long as you all enjoy this crap I will keep writing it!

My Embarrassing Story

You ever just have one of those moment where you just pile you face into your hands and can't believe what just happened to you. Well yesterday was one of those days for me. It wasn't horrifically embarrassing because I don't think anyone saw. But I laughed my ass of when I was trying to tell my friend about the whole ordeal.

So even though I had a large lunch at home I got very hungry I became Hobbit like and decided I needed a second lunch. (In this case I am assuming Hobbits are like small rodents or birds, they continuously need to eat to survive. I mean there are some but there aren't really any fat hobbits. Science Bitches.) So I ordered myself and unhealthy lunch with a soda and I sat down and waited for my warm lunch to be ready. It was a long wait. Just me sitting there people watching/being caught people watching. I then get thirsty and I am like...

 'Oh let me take a lovely sip of my soda here'

This shouldn't have been a challenge...

While I was preparing to take a nice tasty sip, a big ole blob of soda splashed all over me. Now it wasn't like this blob of soda splashed on my foot or my shirt. No, it was worse than that. It splashed right where people could safely assume I was this college student that had just wet herself and was roaming around campus. I just kind of sat there thinking- oh god, oh god, oh god- I cleaned up what I could with napkins but there was no way I was going to stand up and try drying the soda spot from my crotch. So I sat there hoping that when I stood up that it wouldn't be noticeable. Thankfully it wasn't however, I had to then walk around with soda soaked short shorts. Super Comfortable. 

Also, a bird pooped on me. Best Day Ever. 

I must of done something seriously wrong to justify this karma bitch slap. 

I'm currently a day ahead of my blogs so these events actually occured yesterday. I already also have tomorrows written. When ideas come to me I can't just waste them and leave you with a 'I don't feel like it' blog.

Fluffy Cow!

I WANT THIS COW! IT'S SO FLUFFY! 

This farm apparently has fluffy cows galore. Fluffy Cows look like they are wearing pants! FLUFFY PANTS! Don't you just want to hug the damn thing?! I bet it isn't as soft as it looks. I'm just imagining like the softest fluff in the entire world. I thought I found this special thing in the depth of the internet. A few hours after I found it it was on Yahoo and MSN. DAMN YOU INTERWEBS! I found this fluff ball before you...I just posted it later.

My to do list is getting shorter. But, my stress level is still ridiculously high. I'm not doing a very good job at working out.  Or eating. Or sleeping... I must be stressed. That only means complete insanity. However when I usually write these blogs its at the end of the day so the only thing It can think of is I'm so god damn tired. And I end up just zoning out at some random object.

I think I will actually go to Evolution today. I haven't been to class in a good two weeks. I just don't care about that class and I never pay attention. But I feel like I should go to class the last week of school. I already missed Monday. I should probably go today. What time is my class again? What is this class about again? This is the first time I've just stopped going to class. Super Senioritis is a bitch folks. Hopefully this lazy decision won't screw me over. I can't wait to get that college degree!

Picture Survey Answers

Shit that was a really boring blog title. I couldn't really think of any thing.

Are you lazy?  

If you could fly, where would you go first?  

What would you do if you found out the world was ending in one week?

Do scary movies make you paranoid when you watch them alone?  

When will be the next time you kiss someone on the lips?

What do you want to get accomplished today/tonight?

Why aren't you dating the last person you texted?

(Gotta love Pewdiepie!) 

What were you doing at 4am this morning?

Believe it or not I worked way to hard on this blog, searching for images relating to this old myspace survey questions. Well there is one thing for sure. I have a lot of cat memes on here. Cats are the 2nd most common thing on the internet, following porn... Well I have just started my 3rd and final paper and I think it will be a lot easier than I think it will be, if I can get my other homework assignments done as well. I am ready for this term to end. So I get to see my relatives. My Aunt Linda, Uncle Joezilla and my Uncle Rob! Lets get drunk! I know a karaoke bar on the coast! Or we could just do whatever we wanted and just spend fun times together! 

So I have to get my tattoo touched up. Mine healed not very pretty. But I temporarily solve the problem. I took a blue pen and I filled in the areas that looked incomplete. I only have to do this every day for the rest of my life if I never want another needle in my foot! Or at least for the summer. I think I will get it touched up when I graduate. I'm just a smarty who problem solves. 

Brain No Function

I completed two of my three papers! Yay! But now I'm exhausted and I still have to prepare for a power point presentation tomorrow. My portion is supposed to be 5 minutes long and I'm barely breaking 3.5 minutes. There is just not a lot I have to say in my portion of the power point. My brain really isn't processing anything

In fact, my brain isn't spurting out any fantastic stories for you. 

Here is a video that made me laugh my ass off. He got it just about right. 

Papers Galore

What makes me feel better about this is I probably only have 20 more papers to write before I graduate!

I still have to finish 3 complex papers and the deadlines are fast approaching.  I think I'll survive. However I've hit that point of my paper where it is like you are cleaning your room and there is a bunch of junk you don't know what to do with leftover and you just kind of sit there staring. None of the objects are in anyway related which makes it harder to place it.  

I think I'm just going to open a pack of peanut butter m&m's and just eat away my feelings. 

Not My Day

HAPPY JUNE! I get to spend forever inside the library while the sun is shining! I love college! (Note the heavy sarcasm when I say I love college)

I have been at the library since noon working on papers and I realized I did my data wrong and I now have to fix the last hour of work. Excuse me for just one second.

Sorry, I just had to grab myself a soda that was under the table. What?! NO! I haven't been crying PSSSHH, what gave you that idea?! I just got a bunch of dirt in my eyes. Well, the carpet is really dirty. No I didn't put my face to the carpet, it was blown into my face by the...the... air vent. Yeah there is no dirt there now, because...the air blew it under those bookshelves. 

*sniff*

And after spending about two hours trying to catch myself back up from this data crap...Excel stopped working and I lost the stuff I had been working on for the last half hour. Luckily for me only about twenty minutes of work. Today isn't my day.

However, even with all the shit that has been thrown my way I'm in a pretty good mood. 

Which is good because I could look like this.

Useless Facts of the Day

Reader Brandon suggested a blog on fictional character crushes. Thank you for the suggestion Brandon.

• Indiana Jones. Mother of sexiness. I can't handle the hottness
• Jim Halpert from the office pre-dating Pam. He was more adorable then
• Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Stole my heart in an unexpected way.
• Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This tall drink of water is very refreshing. 
• Han Solo from Star Wars. Who does love this cocky bastard!
• Captian 'Merica from The Avengers. That's a true gentleman right there

I also am taller than the following celebrities. Why? Because they all seem tall and it is surprising when I am taller than these celebrities.

• Jennifer Aniston
• Natalie Portman
• Scarlett Johanson
• Christina Aguilera 

I feel like I'm boring you with these useless fun facts. I hope I'm not putting my audience to sleep. That would really defeat the purpose of entertaining you all with my cleverness. I'm no good at puns. Which I'm sure some of you appreciate. I find puns to be hilarious but then again I'm weird. That being said I've been sitting here for a good 10 minutes trying to come up with a pun. It's just not in my nature... I'm still trying to come up with something. I did come up with some rock puns for a friend. He was talking about a quarry and was looking for some jokes. I came up with "If you are quarrious about rocks" and "I'm ingenius" (ingenious)" So there I came up with puns! GO ME!

I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM

I'm screwing myself over. I'm so nice to myself. 

So much to do and yet I keep sitting not facing my responsibilities. I went to buy myself a treat for when I do good work. Well, I opened up my treats before I did work. I may have consumed a whole bunch of ice cream bars. Like way to many. How am I not a tub of lard? I purchased a pack of 20 ice cream bars and I may have consumed 1/2 of the box. I skipped my workout today. This could be the start of something positively ugly. Nah, I'm just having an ice cream craving. Like an entire pints worth. 

So I started watching Angel because I finished the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series. I would tell you my finale reactions but no spoilers here. Anyways I'm watching Angel and I see this familiar face, and it hits me. JEREMY RENNER! Well Jeremy Renner from 14 years ago. Holy shit, was 1999 seriously 14 years ago?! That's kind of a crazy thought. I remember New Years eve of 1999 and feeling sad and scared about the millennium. I mean come on, how was Y-2K not scary to a 10 year old! And holy shit Ken Marino, my favorite bachelor from yahoo's silly web series Burning Love! I love seeing actors who are all young and what I not! Makes me smile!

The term is almost over. I get to see my family soon. I get to walk in commencement soon. And I also get to start summer term soon. My (hopefully) LAST term in college! Then I will have to face the real world and cry about real world problems. Especially when I get cut off from my wonderful parents. 

ALIENS

Am I the only one that thinks new born babies aren't cute. Most babies are positively adorable at birth. Ducks, chickens, cats, dogs, damn even snakes! Maybe I'm biased because I do not like children. New born humans look like freaky aliens. Whenever parents and friends say oh my goodness your baby is so beautiful. All I can think is JESUS, what is that thing?! They look so weird! Like Benjamin Button all wrinkly and old and ugly. I wouldn't dare tell a parent their newborn is ugly, but I will grit my teeth and say 'it's so great yay'  Parents shouldn't take it personally all babies are freaking ugly.

How is THIS Beautiful? 

If I ever have kids (god forbid) I hope I just look at my kids and say man, you are ugly. Cruel, probably. I don't think calling a kid ugly for the first few months of its life is going to harm it. 

Anyways, enough about weird alien things.

My next focus shall be on my brother. 

Dear Older Brother,

If you choose not to go to Australia I will kick your skinny ass. You will go, you will have fun and you will have the adventure of a lifetime. Go see an Opera at the Sydney Opera House, go explore the wilderness see the wildlife. Go to the Australia Zoo- the one Steve Irwin started! Check out the aboriginal culture Try something new! See a cricket match, And most important of all buy your sister who is encouraging you to do something new a fantastic Australian gift! Do not fear the unknown, embrace it, learn from it, grow as a person. 

Carpe Diem. 

Presenting a Big FUCK YOU

Oh my friends, it is time for another episode of 

DIATRIBE TUESDAY!

I would like to present a big FUCK YOU to a group member of mine. 

Dear Bitch Face,  you are the rudest person I know. Ever. I hate you with a goddamn passion. I can't wait for you to die and your carcass rots in the stink hole that they place you in. Why are you even in college? You only want to be a fat stay at home mom who can control every single aspect of you ugly probably bitched faced children. Your cheeks are so chubby because they are filled with opinions and thoughts no one even wants to hear. Stop bitching about how much your life sucks. Oh, you have irritable bowel syndrome? Great thanks for informing me and the rest of our group. We really needed to know the constant state of your bowels. Thanks for also understanding that I would be late to our meeting because I have a 10 minute appointment with my advisor. 

10 FUCKING MINUTES

But apparently if I was going to do that I would be the only group member not working and I will not have earned my grade in this class. To avoid confrontation with this arrogant fat ass I cancelled my appointment. We started our group meeting at 3:10 and the meeting ended at 3:15. WOW that was SO important that I had to cancel a meeting for. And during this so called 'important' meeting this annoyingly bossy chubby cheeked group member told us that she is taking a back seat on this one so she will not be doing this assignment.  

Please let us all stand up and give this sleazy shit talking cum dumpster the fuck you salute. 

I'm Just Lazy

Oh Arrested Development has made me smile. This happened to be one of my favorite scenes so far. To the people not watching this show it probably looks extremely odd. I had tears. Running down my face laughing.

My favorite guest star had to be Kristen Wigg. I normally am not a fan of hers however, she played her part perfectly. So perfectly that I had to mention it here. I entirely appreciate the effort that went into making the series. They worked hard to make this happen and it showed within the details. 

I was in my bed for over 24 hours. I don't even know. I didn't want to move. I slept, I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I watched Arrested Development, I got up a few times but it was probably for less than 15 minutes. I will probably get up and workout today and continue writing my many papers. 

I still have no motivation. Someone bitch slap me so I can get writing. Or can someone yank me out of my bed. I did leave at some point to get food and step outside. But it is pouring, leaving when it is raining like crazy is hard to do. You know what else is hard to do? Start a paper that you don't want to write. It's a never ending cycle. 

Glued to My Bed

Well I had an unproductive day. I was supposed to get out of bed 6 hours ago. It is 5pm and I still am in bed. Sleeping the entire day away. What is up with that?

I didn't stay up too late, I just never actually go out of bed. I did enjoy some brand spanking new episodes of Arrested Development. However I am taking it slow and enjoying the moment. Because once it is over, who knows if there will be more episodes. It's a little confusing with time jumps but it slowly is being pieced together. I still have 10 episodes left! YAY! I think the other thing that is slowing me down is I'm on the final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Spike is a complete mystery to me! I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!

I really should of gotten out of bed today. I have papers to write and other shit to get done. 

I know I shared this before but I love this!

Fake Eyelashes Are Hard

WHY ARE FAKE EYELASHES SO HARD

I just want to have long beautiful lashes!

OK so maybe that is a bit ridiculous. 

I went to the bars last night and tried to put on some fake lashes and I FAILED! Oh well. Whatever. I had fun. This is kind of crazy but I cannot drink like I used to! I'm only 23! I would wake up the next day with out feeling the ramifications. I drink half the amount and my head hurts. Not even half the amount. I think I had 4 shots total, maybe 5. I stopped drinking at 11pm and I had at least 4 glasses of water. Yet, I wake up with a head ache. My life! That's ok, I had a good time. 

I have a full day of studying ahead of me. Well, writing. I have 3 papers due in a little over a week. It is time to buckle down and be one productive student. After I eat of course. I now have to eat something. But I there isn't much here at my apt. And I can't afford to eat out anymore but it is SO EASY TO EAT OUT! I need to find a sugar daddy. 

I'm writing TONS today and unfortunately its going to be less here because I don't get a grade or credits for this. Lets be honest. It wouldn't be as fun if someone was forcing me to do this. 

NAILED IT!

Oh Amanda Bynes, you crazy! I tried to re-create this beautiful image. 

Because I am Queen procrastinator. 

I tried putting on fake eyelashes and ended up stabbing my eyes out so I tried to make due with eye brow pencil and lipstick. However I don't think I quite got that 'I'm insane' look

NAILED IT!

Well I tried, maybe I'm not on enough cocaine. Let me mix that with some heroin to create a speed ball.

Yes, I drew a uni-brow on my face. Can I get a weirdo of the year award. Is there a trophy that comes with this because I'll accept it with a uni-brow drawn on my face and maybe I'll make a mascara mustache. It totally looks like I went out side of my lips with the lipstick, but I didn't. Them kissers is mines! Watch out boys I'm quite the hottie. How do I keep them away. Maybe it is the drawn on eyebrows. However, the Frida look is so sexy and very in. 

It's a cold day and I have a lot of work to get done. Which is hard because it is Friday. Friday means stop whatever you are doing and have fun. I do not get that luxury. It is time for me to do work son! I have a paper due today, a final draft due today and papers to start. My life is about to get a whole lot more stressful. I'm just that much closer to becoming a college graduate. However close it may be it is literally tearing me apart. Hopefully I won't regret this degree. 

I've Made a Huge Mistake

Arrested Development is almost here! Only a few more days until I fall into the further into the depths of the pit that is procrastination hell. It's a good thing there is always money in the Banana Stand. If only I had a Banana Stand... I'd have money. Daddy Warbucks can I have a Banana Stand?

I guess I've been a bit down lately. I'm trying to pick myself up school is just making me feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. And I just want to lay flat on the floor. George Michael gets it. 

But I'm a trooper and after I eat some ice cream I'm sure I'll perk back up. If anyone wants to donate ice cream money to perk me up that would be great! Although it probably won't help my figure...eh lets be honest I'm not worried about it!

I'm getting worried about all my built up procrastination. I have 4 papers to write and I haven't started them at all. I'm going to back my self into a corner until I utter the words: I've made a huge mistake.

Arrested Development has so many life lessons to offer. Maybe I should procrastinate more by watching all three seasons in preparation for the new episodes they are releasing. Or maybe I should start writing those papers before I realize what I've become. 

I Love Vampires

It happened. It actually happened. I never thought I'd be one of these people. Not only has it happened but it occurred after the whole fad was over. I can't believe I'm going to say this.

 I Love Vampires

WHOA! STOP! Pump the breaks people. It isn't what you are entirely thinking. I'm not a teeny bopper obsessed with glittering people. If I wanted glitter I'd buy a god damn diamond. (Either that or I'd skin my vampire boyfriend and sell his skin on the black market so that rich white woman could wear glitter coats in the sun.) Now I've only seen the first Twilight movie. It gave me the heebie jeebies. I didn't find it to be romantic in really any way. So I promise you my love does not come from Stephanie Meyers religious based, marriage-waiting book. No, it comes from a TV series that I thought was stupid when I first started watching. At some point in the last few weeks I became hooked. I'm not really quite sure when that happened. But, Buffy the Vampire Slayers has me swooning over defective Vampires.


Yes I mean defective. And I guess it is really difficult to explain but I will do my best. The first vampire who stole my heart was Angel. His defect is that he has a soul- not a horrible defect- but it is something that causes him remorse from killing and feeding off of people. Anyways when he didn't have his soul he was a complete dick that needed an ass kicking. But thankfully his softer mysterious, leather coat wearing self was still a cutie. After I'm done with Buffy I'm going to have to start watching this spin-off show. Dammit I loved Angel...When he wasn't a complete ass hole of course.



That was the last of my vampire crushes...Or so I thought. Well... until Bad Boy Spike came into the picture and stole my heart leaving Angel in the dust. Spike's defect is a chip lodged within his brain that prevents him from harming other living beings. From this chip he has become a more compassionate evil being. My theory is that he has had enough negative reinforcement towards harming others that it has changed his thinking. Also I think before he had a defect he was a loving form of evil...if that makes sense. His vampire evil was not even half as horrible as soulless Angel. Like I said, soulless Angel is a dick.  I don't know what is about Spike. His striking cheekbones perhaps or the fact that he tries so hard to gain the attention of a woman who can never love him in return. Maybe it's the Billy Idol look (in which Billy Idol stole from him...) .Perhaps it is the leather jacket or maybe I just love the fact that something so bad could be so sensitive and have feelings. That make me want to hug him like a dangerous teddy bear.

Like I said the latest Vampire Craze is ending since Twilight is fading...And I'm only about 10 years late on the Buffy Series. Eh, better late than never and with cooler more developed characters. There is just something about a bad boy with a sensitive side. However, I have never dated any bad boys. Bad boys are scary and they don't show their sensitive side. I need a fake bad boy who isn't really bad but appears that way. He obviously needs a leather jacket.