Useless Facts of the Day

Reader Brandon suggested a blog on fictional character crushes. Thank you for the suggestion Brandon.

• Indiana Jones. Mother of sexiness. I can't handle the hottness
• Jim Halpert from the office pre-dating Pam. He was more adorable then
• Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Stole my heart in an unexpected way.
• Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This tall drink of water is very refreshing. 
• Han Solo from Star Wars. Who does love this cocky bastard!
• Captian 'Merica from The Avengers. That's a true gentleman right there

I also am taller than the following celebrities. Why? Because they all seem tall and it is surprising when I am taller than these celebrities.

• Jennifer Aniston
• Natalie Portman
• Scarlett Johanson
• Christina Aguilera 

I feel like I'm boring you with these useless fun facts. I hope I'm not putting my audience to sleep. That would really defeat the purpose of entertaining you all with my cleverness. I'm no good at puns. Which I'm sure some of you appreciate. I find puns to be hilarious but then again I'm weird. That being said I've been sitting here for a good 10 minutes trying to come up with a pun. It's just not in my nature... I'm still trying to come up with something. I did come up with some rock puns for a friend. He was talking about a quarry and was looking for some jokes. I came up with "If you are quarrious about rocks" and "I'm ingenius" (ingenious)" So there I came up with puns! GO ME!

I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM

I'm screwing myself over. I'm so nice to myself. 

So much to do and yet I keep sitting not facing my responsibilities. I went to buy myself a treat for when I do good work. Well, I opened up my treats before I did work. I may have consumed a whole bunch of ice cream bars. Like way to many. How am I not a tub of lard? I purchased a pack of 20 ice cream bars and I may have consumed 1/2 of the box. I skipped my workout today. This could be the start of something positively ugly. Nah, I'm just having an ice cream craving. Like an entire pints worth. 

So I started watching Angel because I finished the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series. I would tell you my finale reactions but no spoilers here. Anyways I'm watching Angel and I see this familiar face, and it hits me. JEREMY RENNER! Well Jeremy Renner from 14 years ago. Holy shit, was 1999 seriously 14 years ago?! That's kind of a crazy thought. I remember New Years eve of 1999 and feeling sad and scared about the millennium. I mean come on, how was Y-2K not scary to a 10 year old! And holy shit Ken Marino, my favorite bachelor from yahoo's silly web series Burning Love! I love seeing actors who are all young and what I not! Makes me smile!

The term is almost over. I get to see my family soon. I get to walk in commencement soon. And I also get to start summer term soon. My (hopefully) LAST term in college! Then I will have to face the real world and cry about real world problems. Especially when I get cut off from my wonderful parents. 

ALIENS

Am I the only one that thinks new born babies aren't cute. Most babies are positively adorable at birth. Ducks, chickens, cats, dogs, damn even snakes! Maybe I'm biased because I do not like children. New born humans look like freaky aliens. Whenever parents and friends say oh my goodness your baby is so beautiful. All I can think is JESUS, what is that thing?! They look so weird! Like Benjamin Button all wrinkly and old and ugly. I wouldn't dare tell a parent their newborn is ugly, but I will grit my teeth and say 'it's so great yay'  Parents shouldn't take it personally all babies are freaking ugly.

How is THIS Beautiful? 

If I ever have kids (god forbid) I hope I just look at my kids and say man, you are ugly. Cruel, probably. I don't think calling a kid ugly for the first few months of its life is going to harm it. 

Anyways, enough about weird alien things.

My next focus shall be on my brother. 

Dear Older Brother,

If you choose not to go to Australia I will kick your skinny ass. You will go, you will have fun and you will have the adventure of a lifetime. Go see an Opera at the Sydney Opera House, go explore the wilderness see the wildlife. Go to the Australia Zoo- the one Steve Irwin started! Check out the aboriginal culture Try something new! See a cricket match, And most important of all buy your sister who is encouraging you to do something new a fantastic Australian gift! Do not fear the unknown, embrace it, learn from it, grow as a person. 

Carpe Diem. 

Presenting a Big FUCK YOU

Oh my friends, it is time for another episode of 

DIATRIBE TUESDAY!

I would like to present a big FUCK YOU to a group member of mine. 

Dear Bitch Face,  you are the rudest person I know. Ever. I hate you with a goddamn passion. I can't wait for you to die and your carcass rots in the stink hole that they place you in. Why are you even in college? You only want to be a fat stay at home mom who can control every single aspect of you ugly probably bitched faced children. Your cheeks are so chubby because they are filled with opinions and thoughts no one even wants to hear. Stop bitching about how much your life sucks. Oh, you have irritable bowel syndrome? Great thanks for informing me and the rest of our group. We really needed to know the constant state of your bowels. Thanks for also understanding that I would be late to our meeting because I have a 10 minute appointment with my advisor. 

10 FUCKING MINUTES

But apparently if I was going to do that I would be the only group member not working and I will not have earned my grade in this class. To avoid confrontation with this arrogant fat ass I cancelled my appointment. We started our group meeting at 3:10 and the meeting ended at 3:15. WOW that was SO important that I had to cancel a meeting for. And during this so called 'important' meeting this annoyingly bossy chubby cheeked group member told us that she is taking a back seat on this one so she will not be doing this assignment.  

Please let us all stand up and give this sleazy shit talking cum dumpster the fuck you salute. 

I'm Just Lazy

Oh Arrested Development has made me smile. This happened to be one of my favorite scenes so far. To the people not watching this show it probably looks extremely odd. I had tears. Running down my face laughing.

My favorite guest star had to be Kristen Wigg. I normally am not a fan of hers however, she played her part perfectly. So perfectly that I had to mention it here. I entirely appreciate the effort that went into making the series. They worked hard to make this happen and it showed within the details. 

I was in my bed for over 24 hours. I don't even know. I didn't want to move. I slept, I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I watched Arrested Development, I got up a few times but it was probably for less than 15 minutes. I will probably get up and workout today and continue writing my many papers. 

I still have no motivation. Someone bitch slap me so I can get writing. Or can someone yank me out of my bed. I did leave at some point to get food and step outside. But it is pouring, leaving when it is raining like crazy is hard to do. You know what else is hard to do? Start a paper that you don't want to write. It's a never ending cycle. 

Glued to My Bed

Well I had an unproductive day. I was supposed to get out of bed 6 hours ago. It is 5pm and I still am in bed. Sleeping the entire day away. What is up with that?

I didn't stay up too late, I just never actually go out of bed. I did enjoy some brand spanking new episodes of Arrested Development. However I am taking it slow and enjoying the moment. Because once it is over, who knows if there will be more episodes. It's a little confusing with time jumps but it slowly is being pieced together. I still have 10 episodes left! YAY! I think the other thing that is slowing me down is I'm on the final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Spike is a complete mystery to me! I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!

I really should of gotten out of bed today. I have papers to write and other shit to get done. 

I know I shared this before but I love this!

Fake Eyelashes Are Hard

WHY ARE FAKE EYELASHES SO HARD

I just want to have long beautiful lashes!

OK so maybe that is a bit ridiculous. 

I went to the bars last night and tried to put on some fake lashes and I FAILED! Oh well. Whatever. I had fun. This is kind of crazy but I cannot drink like I used to! I'm only 23! I would wake up the next day with out feeling the ramifications. I drink half the amount and my head hurts. Not even half the amount. I think I had 4 shots total, maybe 5. I stopped drinking at 11pm and I had at least 4 glasses of water. Yet, I wake up with a head ache. My life! That's ok, I had a good time. 

I have a full day of studying ahead of me. Well, writing. I have 3 papers due in a little over a week. It is time to buckle down and be one productive student. After I eat of course. I now have to eat something. But I there isn't much here at my apt. And I can't afford to eat out anymore but it is SO EASY TO EAT OUT! I need to find a sugar daddy. 

I'm writing TONS today and unfortunately its going to be less here because I don't get a grade or credits for this. Lets be honest. It wouldn't be as fun if someone was forcing me to do this. 

NAILED IT!

Oh Amanda Bynes, you crazy! I tried to re-create this beautiful image. 

Because I am Queen procrastinator. 

I tried putting on fake eyelashes and ended up stabbing my eyes out so I tried to make due with eye brow pencil and lipstick. However I don't think I quite got that 'I'm insane' look

NAILED IT!

Well I tried, maybe I'm not on enough cocaine. Let me mix that with some heroin to create a speed ball.

Yes, I drew a uni-brow on my face. Can I get a weirdo of the year award. Is there a trophy that comes with this because I'll accept it with a uni-brow drawn on my face and maybe I'll make a mascara mustache. It totally looks like I went out side of my lips with the lipstick, but I didn't. Them kissers is mines! Watch out boys I'm quite the hottie. How do I keep them away. Maybe it is the drawn on eyebrows. However, the Frida look is so sexy and very in. 

It's a cold day and I have a lot of work to get done. Which is hard because it is Friday. Friday means stop whatever you are doing and have fun. I do not get that luxury. It is time for me to do work son! I have a paper due today, a final draft due today and papers to start. My life is about to get a whole lot more stressful. I'm just that much closer to becoming a college graduate. However close it may be it is literally tearing me apart. Hopefully I won't regret this degree. 

I've Made a Huge Mistake

Arrested Development is almost here! Only a few more days until I fall into the further into the depths of the pit that is procrastination hell. It's a good thing there is always money in the Banana Stand. If only I had a Banana Stand... I'd have money. Daddy Warbucks can I have a Banana Stand?

I guess I've been a bit down lately. I'm trying to pick myself up school is just making me feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. And I just want to lay flat on the floor. George Michael gets it. 

But I'm a trooper and after I eat some ice cream I'm sure I'll perk back up. If anyone wants to donate ice cream money to perk me up that would be great! Although it probably won't help my figure...eh lets be honest I'm not worried about it!

I'm getting worried about all my built up procrastination. I have 4 papers to write and I haven't started them at all. I'm going to back my self into a corner until I utter the words: I've made a huge mistake.

Arrested Development has so many life lessons to offer. Maybe I should procrastinate more by watching all three seasons in preparation for the new episodes they are releasing. Or maybe I should start writing those papers before I realize what I've become. 

I Love Vampires

It happened. It actually happened. I never thought I'd be one of these people. Not only has it happened but it occurred after the whole fad was over. I can't believe I'm going to say this.

 I Love Vampires

WHOA! STOP! Pump the breaks people. It isn't what you are entirely thinking. I'm not a teeny bopper obsessed with glittering people. If I wanted glitter I'd buy a god damn diamond. (Either that or I'd skin my vampire boyfriend and sell his skin on the black market so that rich white woman could wear glitter coats in the sun.) Now I've only seen the first Twilight movie. It gave me the heebie jeebies. I didn't find it to be romantic in really any way. So I promise you my love does not come from Stephanie Meyers religious based, marriage-waiting book. No, it comes from a TV series that I thought was stupid when I first started watching. At some point in the last few weeks I became hooked. I'm not really quite sure when that happened. But, Buffy the Vampire Slayers has me swooning over defective Vampires.


Yes I mean defective. And I guess it is really difficult to explain but I will do my best. The first vampire who stole my heart was Angel. His defect is that he has a soul- not a horrible defect- but it is something that causes him remorse from killing and feeding off of people. Anyways when he didn't have his soul he was a complete dick that needed an ass kicking. But thankfully his softer mysterious, leather coat wearing self was still a cutie. After I'm done with Buffy I'm going to have to start watching this spin-off show. Dammit I loved Angel...When he wasn't a complete ass hole of course.



That was the last of my vampire crushes...Or so I thought. Well... until Bad Boy Spike came into the picture and stole my heart leaving Angel in the dust. Spike's defect is a chip lodged within his brain that prevents him from harming other living beings. From this chip he has become a more compassionate evil being. My theory is that he has had enough negative reinforcement towards harming others that it has changed his thinking. Also I think before he had a defect he was a loving form of evil...if that makes sense. His vampire evil was not even half as horrible as soulless Angel. Like I said, soulless Angel is a dick.  I don't know what is about Spike. His striking cheekbones perhaps or the fact that he tries so hard to gain the attention of a woman who can never love him in return. Maybe it's the Billy Idol look (in which Billy Idol stole from him...) .Perhaps it is the leather jacket or maybe I just love the fact that something so bad could be so sensitive and have feelings. That make me want to hug him like a dangerous teddy bear.

Like I said the latest Vampire Craze is ending since Twilight is fading...And I'm only about 10 years late on the Buffy Series. Eh, better late than never and with cooler more developed characters. There is just something about a bad boy with a sensitive side. However, I have never dated any bad boys. Bad boys are scary and they don't show their sensitive side. I need a fake bad boy who isn't really bad but appears that way. He obviously needs a leather jacket.

Headache Tuesday

Headache Tuesday. My brain is killing me. My eyes hurt too. I would  like to go into a coma for 3 days. Maybe four...  I just think I could use 72 hours of sleep. Undisturbed sleep. However I could see how going into a coma would cause concern. It's not like I'm asking to be out for 7 years.

Since I have no energy I found this. It will show you how to cook eggs and describe mt brain feeling,

Lethargic Monday

I don't want to be back at school. I don't want to live in this apartment any more. I don't want to do the homework I have to do. I don't want to workout. I just want to sleep. This school year has taken a toll on me. My Super Senioritis has really kicked in. The best I can do is force myself to get up and workout, force myself to do the work and try to pass this term!

Sorry if it seems I'm in a Debbie Downer mood. I'm not, I just feel exhausted. All I want to do right now is clean my room and watch some tv. I'll get through this term even if I'm not 100% pleased with my work. So far I have 90% in 2 of my classes, 80%+ in 2 others and 68% in the last one. I know, that last one is like ouch. I'm working on it but my give a fuck levels for that class is below 50% so I'm still doing above what I am putting into it! That's probably a bad way to put it. I'm still trying, that's what matters right?

On my drive to School today I realized that the retro noon hour sounds not so retro anymore. They played Smash Mouth, BB Mak, Baha Men...Jesus Christ  THE 90'S ARE RETRO! When did that happen?!

So I just got started on my evolution paper about animal adaptation and I had no clue what to write about. The closest thing in my head was a Fennec Fox ears and how they are an adaptation for the heat. But my friend said you should write about that lizard that shoots blood from its eye...

WHAT!? This is a real thing?! Yes, yes it is...

Lot of Cleaning!

Well I was supposed to drive back to school today but I took a nap and decided that was a very bad plan. So instead I am staying one more night at home. WOO Party! We've been moving things around our house for the past two days, trying to prepare both my brother and my bedrooms for aunts and uncles to visit. Nathaniel's bedroom has been the largest challenge. He's got the most random shit stored in every nook and cranny of his room.

Dust has been everywhere so I've been sneezy and sniffly most of the weekend. DAMN YOU ALLERGIES!

It's 10 and I've seriously procrastinated on homework. I better get on that...

Sorry it's a short day, lots of cleaning!

That Lady Time...

Let me start of with saying this is a TMI blog, Too Much Information. I mean are you expecting any less? Anyways, the reason I have to share a bit too much information with you is because of the blog I intend to write about.

I'm on my lady time of the month. What?! EWWWW! Yeah right it's gross. I'm sorry folks but I must speak my mind. I seem to have an endless collection of tampons. Which lets be honest that is a product I'll be using for the next billion years. But there is one thing I noticed. Damn these tampons are super good motivators.

• Who cares if you win or lose- play the game!
• Control your period...don't let it control you. 
• Get out there and show em' what you got.
• Neither one of us are giver uppers.
• Just Go. 
• Keep a clear head
• Life's a challenge...your tampon shouldn't be.

 And in the commercials, every woman is experiencing the happiest days of their lives.

YOU ARE FULL OF LIES! STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE WE ARE ALL HAVING A FANTASTIC TIME! WE AREN'T HAPPY! WE ARE ANGRY!

Who cares if you win or lose?! I CARE DAMMIT! Keep a clear head? YOU TRY KEEPING A CLEAR HEAD WHEN YOUR UTERUS IS TRYING TO MURDER YOU FROM THE INSIDE!

This is an over exaggeration of course. I'm not insane. I just have strange thoughts, I just wrote an entire blog  about menstruation. I'm either running out of material or I thought this would be a good idea...hmmm.

Home Sweet Home

I went home yesterday. I just needed OUT of town and home where there is purring kitties, loving parents and 100% silence and darkness in the country. I always love it when I come home and I can just tell how much my cat has missed me. She doesn't get pissed off that I left, she just looks at me all adoring and purrs and begs for attention. And then when I sit down, She lays on my body and purrs until she falls asleep. Then I pet her, and she purrs like a mad kitty again.

I scared the daylights out of my Dad when I came home (and my cat..sorry baby!) I snuck in the door and my dad was looking at the weather on my moms laptop. My mom saw me coming and I was sneaking up just hoping she wouldn't say "HI VICTORIA". I got closer and and yelled "BBBAAAAHHH". My old man jumped three feet in the air! (and so did my cat- big poofy tail!). At least he was glad to see me!

I did so much procrastination today I was supposed to get up early and workout and take my quiz and write out my outline for my 10 page paper due at the end of the term. Instead I did the following:

• Slept in until 10:30
• Surfed the Web
• Watched episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Took my yoga mat outside to get some abs in. Which I only did about half of my workout. It was really distracting when Mia kitty was on a door mat next to my mat dinking around. It almost looked like we were working out together. Too bad no one was around to take a photo. 
• Write half of my outline.
• Get Dressed and go to see my mom at work-about 3:30!
• Go to Medford and get some shopping in! Mostly face care stuff. Some underoos and some shoes! God I love shoes. 

We didn't get home until 8 and I didn't start my quiz until 9! I'm just really lucky with these quizzes. I never study I just go for it and I manage to pass every time with an 80% or higher. 

I'm glad to be home! 

Abercrombie and Fitch is a Horrible Company

Abercrombie and Fitch. I have never shopped there in my life. Mostly because I was too terrified to walk in nor could I ever figure out where the entrances were OR what the clothes actually look like because it happens to be darker than the soul of the CEO, Mike Jefferies. Now I'm sure many of you have seen the backlash of the statements that this tool has made: If you can't read it click on it, should make the text larger.

Yeah he is a tool. But I think we can all agree on that. If I shopped there, I would stop. But, looks like I don't have to stop because I never shopped there in the first place. Lucky me! 

This video someone made to bash the company and help the homeless.

At first I loved this video, a man making a negative thing into something positive. However, simultaneously I feel like it is insensitive to the homeless, by alluding that they are the lowest of the low, that they should be the last people to wear a certain brand. Or is it just killing two birds with one stone. I guess I'm on the fence about Fitch the Homeless. Obviously his intentions are good-clothe the homeless. But, is this humiliating to the homeless? Am I being too sensitive about the subject? 

The CEO does look like old Biff. And I would also like to point out Gary Busey?

Science is a Conspiracy

I'm studying for a midterm right now and I think I am done attempting to study. Out of about 50 study questions I'm clueless on 10. Which isn't horrible. Lets hope that those 10 aren't on the midterm. I don't think I can try memorizing any more 40  minutes before the midterm. I'm not good at cramming. Hence my attempting to study a week or so before the test.

I got some laundry done last night or at least I tried. I scoured my room for quarters so that I wouldn't have to break a $20 or receive 80 quarters. Hey those 80 quarters could be useful for laundry but it just seemed like a waste! I had at least two loads I needed to complete and only 3.25 to do it with. I'm a god damn miracle worker because I got the job done. AND I got some pictures to send in my graduation announcements. I couldn't figure out how to print out wallets so everyone will get a 4x6. Hopefully that big picture of me won't scare people off! I can see it now. They open the announcement and AH! That's a big photo!

I just totally blanked. I have nothing fascinating to say to you all. Maybe after my test I will have other things on my mind other than Evolution...

Speaking of Science, I love this Jon Stewart report. I find it hilarious. Those bastard scientists...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Weathering Fights - Science: What's It Up To?
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Indecision Political Humor The Daily Show on Facebook

The Blooper Reel

Remember how I said I was a God Damn Model. When you are finished with this blog please click this link to see yesterdays blog to remind you that I'M A GOD DAMN MODEL

Jayna not only gave me wonderful pictures of myself but she also gave me the silliest ones. 

I'M SO PRETTY! WHY DO I NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

I know why, I'm too pretty. I'm intimidating. 

I mean look at this face. FLAWLESS.

I'm a God Damn Model

My Senior Pictures are done! Here is just a handful of them that I personally loved. There are about 100 more where these ones came from! Big thank you to Jayna who took these for me for no cost because she just loves photography! I'll be sending some of these out or others in my graduation announcements! Now I just have to figure out which ones deserve to be placed inside the announcement! 

I think modeling should be my new career. I just have to not eat for a while to shrink to a size 0! 

Or not, I'm probably considered plus size (and short) for modeling agencies. Because you know, size 3 is a plus size...NOT. Most clothes models wear are size 0's. I don't think I could get a size 0 over my thighs. I did used to be that small in high school. Never again!

I hope you like them all! I was beyond thrilled when Jayna said she didn't photo shop my eyes.
THOSE ARE MY BEAUTIFUL BLUES BITCHES!

Happy Mommy Day!

Happy Mommy Day!

I was looking for a picture of her and I, however I can't find a recent one of us together. I have those tattoo pictures but we don't seem to have any recent ones.

Anyways I appreciate my mom! I APPRECIATE YOU MOTHER! And I'm looking at my scabby body art to prove it. I decided since we went for extreme bonding this year we should continue it as a tradition. Obviously we used our extreme for this year but I have brainstormed a couple of ideas that we could do in the next decade!

1. Skydiving
2. Bungee Jumping
3. Getting a Motorcycle License

Ok well I can't think of anymore but you get this idea. People may thing you are going through a midlife crisis but then you can tell them your daughter put you up to it and she is keeping you young. 

I feel like I leave Dad out of a lot of this, but he wouldn't do ANY of these things with me. He's more for less life threatening events... OH shit. I realized I forgot to wish my dad a Happy Birthday on my blog. FAIL! 

Happy Birthday Daddy! Happy Birthday last Wednesday! So close to senior citizen discount!

I'm at the library and I'm thinking I should of worked out again prior to coming here.  I'm just staring at my laptop tired and unmotivated. I have so many better things to do than further my education! 

Like... watch TV and... sleeping. Along with...eating. 

They are all very important! But I shouldn't complain with almost being done with my college degree. 

My question is if I'm done with college does this blog stop? It is called My Magical, Uneventful, Broke College Life. If I take out 'college' in the title it just seems sad. Or should I start a new one and continue with a different chapter of my life. So many questions! Well this is the biggest form of procrastination! 

A Cool Accidental Encounter

So today I decided to go to the gym before I hit the library. You know, to get out any antsy feeling so I wouldn't have to leave mid study session. I ran a mile on the track and did some more core work outs. I was really focused I felt the burn I was getting just that much closer to an ever more killer bikini body than I already had. Life was just about the workout.

I got thirsty, as any person who works out does. So I blindly got up, not totally looking around me just focused on the water source. When I accidentally bumped into someone. Now this was not an ordinary someone to bump into this is one of those. Whoa... moments that just kind of make you scream inside like a little girl

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! YOU ARE...!

I apologized and went back to my workout, no longer in the zone. 

At my school this person is a well known person. We all know the connection and its just kind of been that cool thing we have. I've never seen him in person before just on TV, in the papers as well as posters, cut outs and the cover of a book.  

Ladies and Gentlemen I ran into none other than Craig Robinson. 

Brother-in-law of President Barack Obama, brother of Michelle Obama.

Now I asked myself this exact question

How the hell do you miss a 6'6" big black man?

I don't even know. Maybe its because I wasn't looking up. 

I also wanted to wish my brother a very Happy 25th Birthday. I was going to make this blog mostly about him but obviously he has been shadowed by something way cooler. 

The Mind Reading Test

I officially revoke Nathaniel's double you're my favorite status.

1. He used a 'U' in favorite. I know that is still spelled correctly but he is not British.
2. He bragged about being a double you're my favorite
3. He is ignoring me on Facebook when I am trying to tell him something important.

Get over it you're not my favorite anything anymore. You are just a blob of BLAH. Not even my favorite blob of blah. Just blah. Normal, boring and forgettable.

Like I said yesterday my roommate no longer comes home, so I sit around my apartment in my underwear. So right no I'm sitting at my kitchen table in a bra and spandex. So if she comes home and I move to less clothing it is going to be awkward to explain it.

Sometimes I like to test if people can read minds. It might sound stupid. But I'm a quirky lady.
I'll walk through populated places screaming things in my head.
I FARTED! BOOBS! VAGINA! I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES AND STREAK!
If someone looks at me with wide eyes, I will have found a mind reader. Or maybe someone just noticed the toilet paper tailing on my shoe or my dress is tucked into my underwear. Then I'll just be embarrassed.

Sometimes I wish I could read minds. However I am positive I would decide that was the worst decision shortly after the fact. I have weird thoughts. Right now all I can think of is- what is a weird thought I can think of.

This weekend is going to be a study weekend. Lots of work with material that I would rather not do.

• 4 Page Paper to start writing
• 10 page paper to start writing
• Outline to start
• discussion board posting and replies. 
• Scientific paper readings. 
• Chapter 6,19 and kin selection study guide
• Book readings

Overall school sucks. Lets go back in time an aim to work at McDonald's for eternity

You're My Favorite

I'm literally sitting on my bed, in my underwear watching t.v. shows. I could put on clothes but its warm and my roommate never comes home so why should I bother? Maybe this is my transition into a nudist. Probably not. I could see how this would transform me into a lingerie addict. There is just so much cute stuff out there. Was this another TMI moment? Probably.

You know what I hate

You're my favorite... 

Usually this is followed by a something there is only one of. For example my mom say this to me when I ask if I'm her favorite child.

"You're my favorite daughter!" yeah, that's great mom. Whoop Dee Doo. I'm your only daughter. That's like winning class president because you are the only one that ran. At least lie and say that I am your favorite child. It's not like Nathaniel and I will spend hours arguing about who mom loves the most (Oh by the way, its me, we have matching tattoos). Super special. Pick a meal. Oh chicken nuggets are the only thing on the menu? Chicken Nuggets it is then.

If I'm going to say 'You're my favorite" I'm going to mean it dammit.

Dad, you are my favorite goofball. I know loads of goofy people but you take the cake Mr.!
Mom, you're my favorite shopping buddy! Would I have found 3 amazing dresses without you?! no!
Nathaniel, you're the best skype buddy. Unless you say asshole things. Then you are my favorite person to pretend you don't exist.

I have a paper due at two I think. I need 300 more words that I don't really have in my head. GO ME.  Procrastination Queen right here. WHERE IS MY CROWN DAMMIT!

So I balled my eyes out when I saw this video. Such a touching song. 

My Jello Workout

I worked out this morning. And it was a horrible workout session. I just felt exhausted. Running a mile was difficult. My core workout was exhausting. I couldn't even finish my workout. I had some serious jello body going on. Just exhausted!  I feel like I could just lay down in a seriously awkward position and pass out.

I then came home, took a shower and felt freezing so I hopped back in bed and took a nap. And I may have missed my only class for the day. It is sunny and warm out but I had jeans and a sweatshirt on while others were in shorts and t-shirts. Maybe I'm under the weather? You know that is a really odd phrase we say, under the weather. Technically speaking we are always under the weather unless the weather forms from the ground. I don't feel sick, but I'm exhausted and cold. Well sucks to be me I have to study.

The entire day my bed has been calling me to come crawl back in. 

The tattoo is disgusting. Its super scabby. I'm sure it will look fine in a week or so but man, looks like crap. 

I really like this song. Its really addicting to listen to. 

It's almost like its radioactive.

Coolest Observation of the Day!

My laptop has been overheating a lot. Not just on my bed, but on a flat desk surface. Its like since the temperature has raised the computer can't handle the heat. And I thought I was a whiny little bitch about the heat. But no, my laptop is the worst.

I did some grilling today! It was awesome! I love grilling! The only reason why it sucked was because I was really hungry and it wouldn't cook fast enough. This meal was complete with baked beans and corn on the cob. Summer is almost here!

I spend about four hours every Tuesday at a wildlife refuge observing the number of birds of prey within the area. Mostly we see Turkey Vultures, Red Tail Hawks and Northern Harriers. Well today during one of our observations I heard this rustling, I look over and these two coyotes are running through the field and into the  forest. COOLEST THING EVER!

I have lots of work to do this week and I need to get on top of that shit!

Wish me Luck! 

Sorry these are kind of lame lately. I just have no good stories. Right now. 

Coyotes are the only thing that was awesome that happened today. 

BBQ Weather

I need to go buy food. There is nothing here in my apartment. However, I've been spending money like a fool and I'm already low on funds for the month. Yay my poor decisions  I go through these skinflint times and these times where I might as well be a rich housewife from the Hamptons! Maybe its because I've been feeling very girly lately. New dresses, heels and jewelry it transforms me into a wealthy lady. Which obviously is not the case. I need to become a gold digger.

I'm jones'n for grilled chicken. I may need to break out the BBQ so I can get some finger lickin' goodness in my life. I can almost taste the BBQ sauce. Yummy Yummy goodness. I should of gotten up to workout today. I ran two miles yesterday and did abs, so I figure my body needs a break. But, now I won't work out until Wednesday. Hmm..Maybe I'll hit the gym later in the afternoon or maybe I'll just eat chicken. IT SOUNDS SO DELICIOUS!

My brain is completely focused on food. I think I will go to the store tonight. No more eating out for me! I hope! I need a man with money or maybe a relative needs to die or I could win the lottery or I could rob a bank. Money is stupid...

Most Expensive Piece of Paper in the World

I'm so tired today. 

If I didn't have things to do, today would be one of those days where I NEVER got out of bed.  

Unfortunately I have responsibilities. There is this thing I'm working towards called a degree. From what I hear it is a really expensive piece of paper that gets you money. When I do receive my degree I plan on hanging it with a selling price for $30,000. Most expensive piece of paper I will ever own.

I'm getting jack shit done at the library. It's like I'm being beckoned by stronger forces. I'm very jittery. It could be this large soda I consumed. Maybe I should go for a run, get some of this crap out. I decided I need some work out tanks. All of my work out shirts are these thick cotton that is fine in the cooler weather but its like a damn sauna in the summer! Maybe I'll convert them into tanks.

My tattoo is itching like crazy and its all beautiful and scabby. Can't wait for it to heal. When I show people my new body art the first thing I say is- my mom an I have matching tattoos- and then I state how I am never getting another because it hurt so bad. The only thing I might do is I get a free touch up within a year. I may do that just because its free. Lets just say I will probably wait til that year is almost up before going back in to torture my body.

Dang, I've been at the library for the past two hours and I really haven't gotten much done. I need a focus coach. Someone to bitch slap me whenever I lose focus like when I scribe a new blog. There would be no payment. Just the pure enjoyment of getting to slap me. However I cannot promise I will not charge you with assault or that I won't hate your slimy guts after the fact and insult you. My personal favorite 30 Rock insult which I may have brought up already is calling someone a- factory rejected dildo.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. I would drink if I didn't already kill my liver on Friday night!

Responding to The 'Single' Question.

Betcha you all thought I wasn't going to get to a blog today. Well BAM 11:09 starting it. Still before midnight. GO ME!

I was hungover today. Very hungover. Nausea, headache, and a morning vomit session. I can pinpoint the exact point of the night where I should of been like- No just stop drinking. This group of guys bought shots and said take two whiskey shots before taking a chaser. I should of said no OR only one. I did both. MISTAKE! I was walking like a drunken fool. I did not drink anymore after that but it didn't matter I was drunk. So this morning I went and viewed that apartment and it is PERFECT! Very excited to move in and have kitty cat roommates!

Today was my friend Lindsay's wedding. I had to drive two hours to go and see it. And when I arrived at the location, it turns out there was a renaissance fair right next to it. My first two thoughts were:

1. Why is this guy dressed like a pirate (this was before I knew about the fair)
2. Did they go with this weird themed wedding that I wasn't aware of?

The bride looked beautiful, it was a small wedding. Half of the guests were the Grooms enormous family. I wanted to have a good time but I kept dwelling on how much I loathed weddings. How did I get to this cynical point in my life? I should be happy about my friends making this big step, but instead I groan and want to slit my wrists. Maybe its fear, jealously, loneliness or the fact that being a single girl at a wedding sucks.

Where is your boyfriend? How are you single? Don't worry you'll find someone!  

Ok, so I didn't get asked these questions at this wedding but still, those questions occur more often than I like. I need to create automatic answers for these types of questions.

•  I am a raging lesbian and I can't marry in this state.
• Marriage is punishment for shopping in some countries.
• My boyfriend would be here but I have to stay 50 feet away from him at all times because of this silly restraining order thing. 
• Getting married would be bad for my prostitution business, I can't focus on my clients if I have a man. 
• Break in to tears and cause a commotion. 
• Reveal feelings for the Groom/Bride and state that I came here to stop the wedding
• The Scientology leaders say that I can't marry until Tom Cruise marries again. 
• Pretend a random guest is your lover. Preferably someone who is really married. 
• Lie, tell them you are in a happy relationship and drink away the sadness.

I'm not over dramatic. Not at all!

May the Fourth Be With You, Always. 

Senior Pictures

After an ugly summer housing debacle I may have found a place to live. I won't know til Saturday, but it sounds perfect. Only $300 a month including utilities and I would get to care for two kitties. I'm really pumped but I do not know what this complex looks like.

I went and got pictures taken by my friend Jayna today to send out with my graduation announcements. From what I see they turned out great, but I still have to wait a few weeks to get them! So grateful I know the right people! I really want to go out tonight but everyone bailed on me...which makes me revert to that no friend feeling.

Anyways, I don't really have much to say, its Friday and I'm going to enjoy my weekend!

Get Drunk

I've seen about 9 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For some reason I keep clicking next on Netflix and I don't know why. It's such a corny show. I have a few issues with the show.

1. So many students die by murder in the show that they probably should hire a some campus police. And who would want their child going to this school?! A student dies every episode and teachers die all the time. 
2. How many people have seen Buffy take on weird shit? TONS and yet they still go on with their lives like nothing weird happened. And the fact that she lets vampire slayer slip on more than one occasion would either make me thing she's crazy or connect the weird dots. How does the whole town not know yet?
3. I've seen David Boreanaz before and wasn't very impressed attractive yes, but nothing to sneeze at. But damn! Angel is FINE! I think it is the bad boy attitude, the mystery, the youth, the smolder, and let me reiterate the bad boy. Ok, so that really isn't an issue. I just would like to point that out. Plus the Leather Jacket... mmmmmhhhhhhmmmm. Yum.

I feel a bit better than yesterday. Sorry I word vomited my problems all over you. I went pottery painting yesterday and painted myself a classy beer stein that I painted 'GET DRUNK' on. It felt a little awkward when children and their parents came in. I'm not really an alcoholic I swear, but lets be honest, if I'm drinking out of it that is what I'm going to do! When I get it back I'll take a picture of my classy drinking stein. 

My tattoo itches, and I can't scratch it. I told my mom that there is this annoying itching on my ankle that is reminding me of her. So far this matching tattoo has done nothing but cause pain and annoyance. All I can do is wait for the healing process to complete. Then I can RULE THE WORLD! BUAHHAHAHAHAHA. 

Tonight is Boneless Thursday. Buffalo Wild Wings had boneless chicken wings for 65 cents and I LOVE IT. I go every week. Maybe not the best financial decision but I enjoy spending time with friends who actually make time for me. 

It's a sunny day. Should it be a dress day? I'm not really sure. I want to wear this certain top but it feels a little skanky. It covers my belly button so it could be sluttier maybe. Eh, I got the body, might as well show it off. 

Couples Make Me Sick

Guess who is in a Debbie Downer mood. This week has kind of gone downhill for me.

 It started off great, but now I'm feeling cold, withdrawn, and negative. 

1. This weekend my best friend from high school is getting married. Under normal circumstances I would be happy for a best friend. We are no longer best friends. Never getting a return phone call or message and being forgotten about has made me feel very cynical about going to wish these two a happy marriage. No.

2. My other best friend from middle school (whom I am no longer best friends with) invited me to her wedding... I'll go, but I won't be happy about it. 

3. My current best friend has ditched me on multiple occasions for her boyfriend who I just don't like.  And unfortunately I do not believe we are best friends any more. 

People in relationships make me sick. 

If another one of my friends becomes a couple, gets engaged, married or pregnant I think I'm going to vomit. I guess I've been feeling abandoned lately, an insignificant part to anyone else's life. Like their lives would still be the same if I just disappeared. This is the moment where if I were in film life would go all It's a Wonderful Life on my ass. Well, as far as I can surmise I know people would miss me. Days like this I wish someone would throw me a surprise party with all my friends there, just to show me how cared for I am. Alas, my daydreams (which I have many of) are usually better than my actual life. What can I say, I'm a dreamer. 

Well at least I know my mom loves me, I have permanent body art to prove it.

 I think that if I didn't mention that she'd kill me.